


Marveling Coincidence

by Romancemesomeziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Fireman Liam, M/M, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:12:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romancemesomeziam/pseuds/Romancemesomeziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They meet by unfortunate circumstances, bad place at a bad time, but their common interest brings them together easily. Question is, will the world pull them apart? </p><p>or</p><p>When Zayn is a Uni student getting over a bad break up, struggling with his own personal demons and Liam, a friend of a friend, might just be the perfect remedy to his aching heart. </p><p>Based of prompt found at:<br/>http://shivermeniall.tumblr.com/post/75949832450/fic-where-liam-and-zayn-both-attend-the-same-party</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really nervous about all this, but hopefully you guys like it. Please don't hesitate to give me some feedback.

 

  

He simply couldn't believe he had let Louis drag him to yet another one of his weirdo parties. Their campus was relatively small and he thought he knew almost everyone but every time he found himself at one of Louis's drama club parties, he ended up meeting the most bizarre individuals. At the end of each one of those nights, Zayn always wondered how on earth he had ever become friends with Louis. Yet, every other weekend, he found himself surrounded by a bunch of drama majors and hippies that just didn't seem to like him. Lou was different of course, they'd been friends for ever, making their way through their education as partners in crime. And university was no different, everything started out for the better, until they both fell off the chariot and into the torturous void that love was. Cynical much? Maybe, but that's just what the last few weeks had taught him. 

No matter how amazing you believe your life to be, no matter how in love you think you are, there will always be something that will slap you across the face and make you realize that there is no such thing as a fucking happily ever after. 

Worse of all being, the minute they had walked through the door of this party, a petite girl with bright red hair and a horribly squeaky voice had grabbed Zayn's phone and added it to her hefty collection. She stood maybe 4 feet tall yet, her I-will-fuck-you-over-if-you-dare-complain attitude radiated as she punctuated her actions with a confident hand on her hip. 

"You need to socialize with the real world boys!" she had told them before running off and disappearing through the sea of bodies crowding the entire house.

 "I need to get the fuck out of here," Zayn had mumbled back before Louis had smacked him across the back of head to then precede to ruffle his hair, completely destroying his quiff. 

"Smile," Louis had whispered in his ear before pulling away and stealing a drink from a nearby table, shoving it into Zayn's hands. 

"Try and get the fuck over him, Zayn! Get drunk, be a slut, get laid, suck a dick. I don't care, but do something! I'm tired of watching you mope around our flat. I swear if I have to hear your depressive artistic music one more day, I will not be held accountable for what I do to you," Louis shouted at him before swiveling around in one swift motion and running up the stairs. 

Zayn had stood there for a minute, immobile as people around him acted as if he wasn't there, brushing up behind him to get by. He exhaled and tried to clear his head, maybe tonight was the night he got the fuck over it as Lou had so nicely put it. 

Yet two hours later, Zayn stood in a crowded corner watching as a group of drunk hippies played beer pong before him. He had the same stale drink in his hand that Louis had given him when they had gotten here and he had talked to exactly two people. Both times being when he had asked directions towards the bathroom. 

He rolled his eyes as he made his way past the improvised dance floor and spotted Louis grinding shamelessly against Harry. Maybe it was him being his usually broody self or maybe it was jealousy that his best friend was happily in love, but at the moment Zayn just didn't want to be near them. 

 

He entered the kitchen and made his way towards the sink where he drained his drink. A song too familiar for his liking started playing and he couldn't help the reaction that overtook him. His fingers immediately curled into a tight fist, his knuckles going white from the pressure as he closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He felt as though he was suffocating, a huge weight being pushed onto his chest. This is what drowning feels like he thought as he stumbled towards the nearest wall. Leaning against it, Zayn tried to regain his footing. 

_You're being ridiculous,_ he mumbled to himself as he tried to calm his erratic breathing. Finally, he found the strength to open his eyes but his vision was dimmed from dizziness. He blinked a few times, only to catch sight of the hostess that had stolen his phone.

 He dragged himself over to her side, knocking over a few drinks as he went. The dreadful song finally came to an end as he reached into the box, shuffling his hand around to find his phone. The red head turned to glare at him, but before she could lecture him, a loud crashing sound erupted from the next room. Seconds later, she was gone and Zayn finally found his phone amongst the others. He rushed towards the entrance, not wanting Lou to see him leave. In his haste attempt to make it outside without being seen he knocked his shoulder into the wall, dropping his phone on the ground which instantly disappeared from sight. 

"Fucking shit," Zayn mumbled as he doubled over in pain. He searched out for his phone, eyes gliding over the dirty floor but he was quite distracted by the throbbing pain in his shoulder.

 A few moments later, as he still stood leaning over in the entrance way, looking like a total idiot and massaging his shoulder, callous hands appeared before him, offering him his phone. Without much enthusiasm or appreciation he reached for it, offered a small, flat _thanks_ before limping away.

 He thought he heard a "you're welcome" but the voice was lost in the autumn breeze as he stepped outside. Zayn finally stood to his full height, and tried to stretch out his arm but the movement came with excessive effort. Drained from his own lack of motivation, he stepped down the porch of the noisy house and made his way home. His flat was only a few blocks away and he needed the short walk to clear his mind. 

Tonight had been a complete disaster in every single possible way and he didn't even want to think of how pathetic it was that that song could cripple him in a instance. His phone buzzed from a new message and he looked down to see it was from Harry, asking where he was. Zayn quickly typed in his pass code, before replying that he was on his way home and to tell Lou not to worry. Without waiting for a reply, he clicked off his phone and shoved it into his pocket before commencing his walk home.    

                                                                 ___________________________________________________

The sound of broken glass was what Zayn woke to, followed by a sheepish "Sorrrryyyy" from Harry as he no doubts stood in the kitchen with yet another broken mug.

 Zayn's wasn't even surprised by that anymore, it had happened so often in the last months that he had simply turned to buying plastic cups to minimize the damage. Yet, Harry, stubborn as ever, refused to use them. "I'm not that bad," he had whined when Zayn had thrown them his way one afternoon after Harry had broken a mug, every morning for 3 consecutive days. Zayn had simply cocked an eyebrow at him and uttered "I'm not mopping up the blood next time," before heading back to his room.

 Zayn rubbed at his eyes, a dull ache in his arm lingering due to last night's encounter with a wall. The panic attack that had been triggered by the song had left him completely knackered and the minute he had slid into bed, he had immediately passed out. Now, however, his brain once again started to go into overdrive. 

The king size bed was way too big for one person, and as he lay awake in the middle, surrounded by numerous pillows and blankets he felt like he was drifting in the ocean. A vast, unknown territory engorging him, the cool sheets licking at his skin like waves. He was just as scared to be alone in his own bed as he would be alone in the ocean and that was simply pathetic. 

He sighed as he rolled over to reach for his phone on the bedside table. Realizing the battery had been drained out, Zayn reluctantly made his way out of bed to plug in the apparatus. The window opposite him had been left open, leaving a light wind to harmoniously envelop him as the sunshine did the same. Even if it was late autumn and the leaves on the trees had shifted to become a collection of artistic colors, the sun still radiated enough to allow Zayn the comfort of drawing outside.

 As he shifted his eyes back down towards his phone, he noticed the stupid half eaten apple logo still loading and today was just not one of his patient days. Zayn dropped his phone on the cluttered table, hearing a few clinks of falling objects as he entered the small en-suite bathroom and started the shower. He stripped himself of his ragged shirt and boxer shorts, tossing them in the direction of the laundry basket without care if they made it in or not. Within minutes the bathroom was cloaked with the warm steam of the shower, and the first touch of the water to his skin made him moan. 

Ironically, even if one of his biggest fears was drowning, the only peace he had found in these last painful few weeks had been within the confines of this shower. It was the only place where he allowed himself to cry, to let go and hurt over the asshole that had cheated on him. Then again, finding out the man you love is cheating on you is one thing. Coming home to find him in your flat, in your bed, with your classmate was another.

 When the water started turning cool, Zayn reluctantly closed the tap before patting himself down with the huge fluffy towels Harry had bought him, claiming that his torn ones were simply unacceptable.

 Padding along the cold tiles of the bathroom and onto the hardwood in nothing but a towel, Zayn stooped down to pick up his charging phone. He unconsciously tapped in his pass code, going directly to his missed calls to make sure his mother hadn't called. Ever since his breakup she had be calling daily, sending him care packages in the mail, filled with homemade sweets and drawings from his sisters. It made him feel homesick and yet he found himself impatiently awaiting the next parcel that would bring around a piece of comfort in the form of family memories. 

Zayn frowned as he scrolled through the few missed calls, none being numbers he recognized, not even the names entered as contacts. He switched to the message board, and scrolled down those too and didn't recognize a single name except Harry's and Niall's.

 "Fuck me" he mumbled under his breath, the sudden realization that this was obviously not his phone, making him freeze in place. If this wasn't his phone, that meant someone had his own phone, with those very naked pictures of him and that stupid fucking amateur porn clip he and his cheating bastard of an ex-boyfriend had made.

  _I knew I should have fucking deleted those_ , thought Zayn as he felt panic engulf him. He had meant to delete them, he had even tried to about 20 million times, but something had always prevented him from doing so. _Being an oversensitive bitch is what,_ he chastised himself as he stood half naked in his room with the prospect that the world would soon see him completely bare. 

Trying to figure out who had his phone, Zayn flipped through the picture albums, finding dozens of pictures of a small dog and a turtle. Then a few pictures of two blond girls, older than he was but nothing was interesting or relevant to finding the owner of the phone. And then it clicked in his clouded brain that Harry obviously knew whose phone this was and maybe, just maybe that person had his own phone. 

He bolted towards Lou & Harry's room not even knocking before he entered. After all, the image of his two best friends fucking was sadly something he was getting use to. 

"Whose phone is this?" he all be yelled as he stood in his towel, arm extended over their cuddling forms, holding the phone on display. 

"What in the actual fuck Zayn!" Louis screeched but Zayn ignored him as he threw the phone in Harry's direction. "You texted this phone yesterday, whose is it?" 

Begrudgingly Harry untangled himself from around Louis, and sat up against the headboard. He lazily tapped the phone to life and then mumbled a tired "It has a pass code love, I don't know whose it is, there are hundreds of black IPhone in the world". 

"Its 1939," Zayn replied nonchalantly, realizing for the first time that he had the same password as the other person. _That's so fucking weird,_ he thought, considering the odds of such a coincidence to occur. 

"You know this person's pass code but not their name," laughed Louis, a smirk appearing on his lips. "You really ask weird questions when you sleep with someone Malik".

 "What the fuck are you going on about Louis!" glared Zayn. "This is because of the shit party you brought me to yesterday. I took the wrong phone when I left and now someone has mine. I just want my phone back, I didn't fuck anybody," he growled, his patience with his mate's usual humor completely lacking today. 

Just as Louis was about to respond with what Zayn was sure was a sarcastic and stupid comment, Harry simply tossed the phone at the bottom of the bed with a simple "It's Liam's".

 "Whose?" Louis and Zayn both ask at the same time. 

It was Harry's turn to glare as he turned towards Louis, daggers in his eyes. "You never freaking listen to me, I swear to god."

Louis looked at his boyfriend with a sheepish expression and gave him a small shoulder shrug. Sighing, Harry stood and pulled on a pair of jeans that was lying on the floor next to the bed. "My friend Liam," he said, hands buried in his hair trying to control the curls. "I told you both he was moving here this weekend. I invited him last night so he could meet you guys." 

Zayn didn't remember anything about Harry having a friend that was moving here, or the fact that he was suppose to come last night but right now he really didn't care. All he wanted was his phone back, intact without his nudes leaking all over the internet and ruining his chances of ever working anywhere near a school. 

"Can you please reach him," pleaded Zayn as he picked the phone off the bed. "I need my phone back and I'm praying he has it". 

Harry nodded silently and headed to the kitchen, his disappointment etched into his smooth features, his usual dimples nowhere to be seen. Zayn looked back to see Louis, both hands rubbing at his face like he had completely missed an episode of what had just happened. 

"Aren't you going to run after him and apologize 9 million times and kiss his ass like you usually do?" 

Groaning a not so amicable "fuck off", Louis disappeared under the covers, leaving Zayn to follow Harry out to the kitchen. 

"I called his home line, he has your phone. He should be over in the next 20," Harry said as Zayn walked into the open aired kitchen. 

He sighed with relief. "Thank fuck". 

Harry offered him a weak smile, as he peeled an orange. His longer fingers picking at the citric flesh without interest. The fact that both he and Louis had forgotten about Liam's arrival obviously bothered the younger boy. 

"He's the guy I wanted you to meet, you know. To help with all the shit," Harry said with a muted tone, gesturing a vague hand in front of him. "I thought he'd be good for you." 

Zayn bit down on his lower lip, advancing towards his mate. "If he really does have my phone, I'll be the happiest person alive," he said with a smile, extending his hand to tickle his mate's side.

 Laughing lightly, Harry tossed him a piece of orange peel, followed by the orange itself. Zayn caught it carelessly before heading towards his room to get dressed. "I owe you" he voiced over his shoulder, winking at Harry who was leaning against the counter, shaking his head to himself. 

"You bet your sweet ass you do," was the last thing Zayn heard before the door to his room clicked shut behind him. He smiled to himself, eating a piece of the orange. Harry's innocence always took him by surprise. He was so use to having the younger boy around that he often forgot how easily hurt he could get when he and Louis weren't as considerate as they should be. 

Zayn headed over to his closet, where he dragged a pair of old jeans and a faded batman shirt out so he could dress slowly. After he finished the fruit, he turned towards the mirror, taking a quick look at his reflection. The lack of sleep from the previous nights wasn't as apparent as before after he had miraculously been able to catch his 8 hours of sleep. He tugged on his hair and grunted heedlessly. He couldn't be bothered to do anything with it and so he decided to try and read a little as he laid back in bed. His glasses sat on the nearby table, under the latest edition of The Green Lantern. He stretched out, trying to knocked them closer to himself and almost fell off the bed by doing so. He chucked a silent laugh at his own laziness and just as he was pushing the dark frames up and onto his nose, he heard a knock at the front door.

 Seconds later, Harry belted out that Liam had arrived and Zayn hurried up, smoothing over his t-shirt. He grabbed the other's phone from where he had dropped it on the bed and headed out towards the kitchen once more. Hopefully, this Liam lad hadn't peaked through his photo album, or the next few minutes would be quite awkward. 

                                                       ____________________________________________________

 

Zayn hadn't imagined this meeting to turn out to much. Every guy that Harry wanted him to meet usually ended up being a little too strange and little too over the top for Zayn's liking. As much as he hated to admit it, he usually went for the bad boys, that didn't give a care in the world for school or anything really. That might just explain why he usually got his heart broken by every guy he dated. 

But Liam was neither a hippie nor a bad boy. On the contrary, he seemed like a normal lad, dressed in jeans and a hoodie that stretched over his wide shoulders. His short hair could barely be seen do to the snapback that resided over it. There was an obvious strength to his built even though he was lean but what caught Zayn's attention was the man's simple charm when Liam had smiled and waved awkwardly in his direction as Harry introduced them. 

As if on autopilot, he reached his hand out to shake Liam's own and when their skin came into contact, liquid heat pooled in Zayn's stomach. Taken a back by his own reaction, he quickly pulled away, shifting his eyes down to avoid the warm chocolate tone of the other boy's gaze. 

"Nice shirt," he heard Liam say, which seemed to amuse Harry. Zayn hated the way he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as he wished he'd worn a less dorky shirt. What he hated even more however, was the power this regular lad seemed to have over his body. Zayn wasn't one to blush and fidget under the heated gaze of the hottest men, yet here he was, feeling like a virginal schoolgirl. 

Looking over towards Harry, he could see the curly haired lad grinning to himself with a mischievous smile as he poured what looks like eggs into a sizzling hot pan. The smell of cooked eggs filled the air and Zayn realized that the table was set for 4, not the regular 3. 

Liam coughed awkwardly next to him, making Zayn realize that he hadn't acknowledge the other boy's compliment. With another blushing smile, Zayn cursed himself under his breath before offering a quiet _Thank you_ to the other man. 

"It's laundry day," he tried to explain, even if that was a complete lie but for some unknown reason he didn't want Liam to think he was just a stupid kid that loved comic books. Even if that was in fact the truth. 

For as long as he could remember, reading comic books and drawing had been his outlet to life. It wasn't that he wasn't popular, quite the contrary actually. But often times, he simply wanted to be alone with his books and sketch pads. As a kid that had seemed to be like less of a problem, but now that he was a grown up, and he was suppose to spend his time partying and getting drunk, and most people gave him the stink eye when they learned of his extracurricular activities. So Zayn had learned to bury that part of him in the depths of his room, where only Harry and Lou could see him, and never made a judgment. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Louis's arrival, which lead to a complete shift in Harry's demeanor. The younger boy completely ignored his boyfriend and settled a plate of eggs and toast in front of both Liam and Zayn before heading off to his room. Sighing with dramatics, Louis leaned over the table to shake Liam's hand. 

"Just go ahead and eat mate, we'll be right back," Louis uttered as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. Harry and Louis weren't the type of couple to have fights. They bickered constantly, teasing each other and annoying everyone around them with their weird complicity but they never really fought. So as the smaller lad perused his boyfriend out the door, Zayn couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for Harry's disappointment. 

"So, should we eat?" asked Liam, bringing Zayn's attention back to the man before him.

 Liam was shuffling in his seat restlessly, his hands settled on each side of his plate, the left one clutching a phone desperately as if it would escape him. Zayn took his own seat and then for the first time remembered why Liam was actually here. The panic evoked by the thought of his naked pictures being revealed to the world spreading through him once more. 

Zayn ignored the question, completely focused on the matter at hand and trying to save his dignity. 

"I have your phone," he said as he reached in his into his lap to retrieve it. He extended the cool piece of metal over the table towards Liam, their eyes meeting momentarily. Zayn was jolted by the skin contact once more, pulling his hand away so quickly that he knocked over the tea cup that had been awaiting on the table for them. 

The kitchen was suddenly filled with chaos as the warm liquid splashed all over the table into Liam's lap who sprung to his feet with a curse. "Bloody hell".

 As he stood, he knocked the table with his knees, which caused a domino effect of random plates and utensils to crash to the floor. 

Horrified, Zayn too was on his feet within seconds, making his way around the table to Liam's side as he mumbled a constant flow of apologies. He picked a half soiled napkin from the table and started unconsciously patting at Liam's jeans trying to soak up the liquid. In the midst of the disarray, Zayn hadn't noticed he had dropped to his knees and was now pressing his hand to Liam's crotch until a giggling sound came from behind him. 

"You could take him out on a proper date before trying to suck his dick in the middle of our kitchen, Malik," snickered Lou. Zayn's head snapped back to look over his shoulder at his best friend, whose arm was tightly wrapped around Harry's waist. _That was a quick fix,_ he thought to himself before he shifted his eyes back to Liam and realized that his hand was in fact tracing the other man's thigh as he tried to clean the tea off his jeans. 

"Oh god," he stammered as he recoiled away, accidentally brushing his knuckles over what felt like a growing bulge. 

"I'm so sorry I didn't even think," he tried to explain as he wobblingly stood. Liam immediately gripped his hip, stabilizing him as they now both stood, staring at each other. 

Liam was biting his lower lip, bringing Zayn's attention to how plump and red it was. Without notice, he licked at his own lips, absorbed by the gentle eyes that were tracing over his features. He couldn't help but shy away, suddenly becoming utterly self conscious. He was about to push him glasses back up into their proper place but Liam beat him to it, easing the heavy frames higher on his nose. The large hand then grazed over his cheek, causing a shiver to spark through his spine. Their eyes met once more, Zayn's breathing falling short of satisfaction as he was entranced by the swirling shades of brown that seemed to be searching his soul. 

Louis and Harry's presence had long been forgotten, even if Zayn had in fact heard them shuffling back towards their room. The clicking sound of the door the only indication that he and Liam had been left alone. 

"Why 1939?" he whispered without thought. 

Liam seemed confused for a minute, before he caught on. A small nervous laugh escaped him as he took a step away from Zayn, removing his hand from his hip. The lost caused Zayn to shiver once more, almost reaching out for the touch but he stopped himself before looking like a fool. 

"Its stupid really," snorted Liam as he rubbed the back of his neck, his composure slowly coming back to normal.

 Zayn shrugged, the broken plates and cold breakfast entirely forgotten. "Tell me". 

The bigger man broke into a full grin, his eyes crinkling with emotion as he coughed out a laugh. "Its the year Marvel comics was founded," he answered, his eyes immediately trailing over the ground like he was ashamed of his answer. 

Zayn stood in place, completely frozen. The morning sun bathed the small kitchen in a warm glow that reflected in Liam's eyes. Zayn's heart was hammering in his chest and he wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was the adrenaline that was finally falling, or the close body contact with Liam. Or maybe it was this sudden admittance that they both had the same password for the same reason, but Zayn found himself for the first time in weeks smiling genuinely. 

"You'll never believe me," he chuckled "But that's the reason for mine too". 

Liam smile grew even wider, causing Zayn's stomach to erupt into butterflies as he stepped back and started picking up the mess on the table. A minute later, Liam approached him, reaching for a discarded knife that lay next to Zayn's hand. Their fingers brushed lightly, and neither said anything. They simply cleaned their mess in silence, marveling at the coincidence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more introduction to the boys lives. Its kind of a settling in chapter that sets things for the rest! Enjoy!  
> Once again, please let me know what you think!

Sighing for the millionth time, Zayn tried to ignore Louis's constant pestering as he added some subtle shading to his drawing. The afternoon sun was casting shadows across the living room wall, creating a spectacle of shapes and colors that Zayn was trying to capture.

  He had spent the entire morning in his room with Liam, going through his sealed boxes of comic book collectibles. The words "wow" and "mate" had both been terribly over used as they had carded through each box, recollecting their favorite memories of their childhood heroes. They had argued over who should have made it into the _Avengers league_ and then mutually agreed about how epic the movie had been.

It had been filled with too much giggling for Zayn's manly ego but the smile that had been plastered to his face the entire time spoke for itself. Multiple times, Zayn had found himself simply absorbed by Liam's easy laughter and soft voice. Losing track of time as he was drawn in by the contrast in Liam's chiseled jaw, rounded nose and the pink flush of his cheeks.

Liam wasn't like any other of Harry's friends --he didn't fit into any stereotypical category of the hipster, the jock, or the geek -- Zayn liked that. The difference and contradiction within the bigger man's personality is what made him so charming. A comic geek in the body of a jock, with an undying love for animals. Far from the bad boy Zayn usually went for, and exactly why Liam was so perfect.

Never in his life though had he shown so much interest in another man so quickly. Maybe it was his subconscious desperately trying to latch on to anything that would help him get out of his depressive state. And maybe it was just a massive case of blue balls that made him stir at the thought of Liam. Whatever the reason was, Zayn didn't care. He had inspiration to draw again, with real colors and not solely the 50 shades of gray he had abused in the last few weeks. He was able to listen to music in something more than a minor key, that didn't evoke Louis's murderous envies and obviously that was good news. But that was also the reason for his best friend's undying jokes about the thousands of things Zayn could possibly do to Liam's dick.

"Try not to be awestruck when you see it," teased Louis, throwing his feet into Zayn's lap and knocking his pencil to the ground. "I know its been a while since you've seen a proper penis, but like don't start drawing it or anything".

"Really, Louis?" huffed out Zayn as he leaned his head back onto the edge of the couch. Why was he friends with Louis again?

"C'mon Zaynie, I'm just trying to help you out, mate," countered Louis, his hand coming to tap Zayn's cheek with a few light touches.  

Zayn slapped the hand away, and rapidly shot to his feet, causing Louis to fall off the couch with a shriek.

"Don't call me that," growled Zayn as he gathered his supplies before turning towards his friend. "And I don't know why your making up scenarios. He didn't even give me his number," he mumbled.

"Yet," interjected Louis as he climbed back onto the couch, wrapping a thick blanket around himself like a cocoon.

Zayn grunted, partially in agreement but also in skepticism as Harry walked through the front door, a huge smile on his face.

"You, Mr. Malik made quite an impression today," he mused, leaning over the sofa to peck a kiss on Louis's lips. "Liam could not shut up about you."

"Really?" Zayn asked, his eyes going wide from surprise.

Harry beamed at him as he nodded, the dimples in his cheek adding to his genuine happiness. "He went on and on about how smart you were," added the curly haired boy.

Zayn felt a rush of adrenaline course through him, his heart beating rhythmically faster as his mind rushed through dozens of emotions. Trying to play it off like he didn't care, Zayn nodded once, giving a nonchalant "that's cool" before retreating towards his room.

 As he was about to close the door behind him, he heard Harry scream "You could have told us you did porn".

Zayn froze, dropping his sketch pad and pencils to the ground as he shuffled back towards the living room. _This can't be happening,_ he thought, as reached his two giggling friends.

"Please tell me your kidding," he pleaded Harry who was now lying all over Louis. "He didn't really see that, did he?"

"Wait," said Louis, suddenly demonstrating loads of interest in the conversation. "You mean there really was porn on your phone".

"I..um..its not what you think," stammered Zayn, his brain reeling for a plausible explanation.

 His blood ran cold through his veins making him want to recoil into his room, under his covers to forget that the world around him existed. He felt like such a fool, a god damn idiot really. If Liam had seen those pictures and even more so, that video, there was no way he would ever be interesting in Zayn. Who would want to date someone stupid enough to film themselves having sex and leave that on their phone for all to see.

Louis's face split into a shit eating grinning, his laughter becoming hysterical within seconds. Harry on the other hand had the decency to look apologetic as he smacked Louis.

"He said he only saw one picture, and when he realized what it was, he didn't go further," Harry said, as if to reassure Zayn that this wasn't as dramatic as he was making it out to be.

"If it helps," chuckled Louis, "he seems to think you're fit".

"Not helping," moaned Zayn as he sat on the edge of the recliner, head in his hands. "What if he showed other people?"

"He would never," hurried Harry as he came to sit next to him, rubbing gentle circles across the plains of his back. "Liam's not like that. He was blushing so bad when he told me. I swear he never would."

Zayn nodded, unconvinced.

"Why didn't he say anything?" he challenged.

"Not that great of a pick up line," scoffed Louis as he stood before him. "Oh hi, I'm Liam, I'm 21 and I've seen you naked".

"Louis!" scolded Harry.  "Harold," mocked Louis with an eye roll.

"Who the fuck cares if he saw you naked, Zayn. You're fit! I bet he only wants to see more now".

And as much as Zayn hated to admit it, maybe Louis was right. He wasn't narcissistic but he knew that he looked good, the boxing classes were paying off. So maybe the picture could be a motivator, a way to hook Liam and pull him in.

He looked up at Louis, who was impatiently tapping his foot, looking completely bored and unimpressed with the dramatics. "You're right," Zayn forced out, trying to persuade himself more than the others.

"Of course I'm right," laughed Louis, heading towards the kitchen. Harry following soon after but not before making sure Zayn was okay.

Zayn forced a smile, which seemed to satisfy the younger boy.

This was exactly why he was friends with these two idiots. Louis was always able to bring him down to earth, to calm the storms that easily built up within his mind. He was the type of friend that could shake you back to reality with a simple "calm the fuck down, mate". Harry was more of a soft cushion to fall back on after being ripped apart by Louis. Gentle and comforting with baked goods and stupid jokes. They complimented each other perfectly, and together they could always make Zayn feel at peace.

****************************************************************

Sunday was the day Zayn stayed in bed to read his comic books and finish his assignments for class. Rarely did he bother showering, or even changing into more than the boxers he slept in. Food was optional on most Sundays, usually only an occurrence if it was delivered by Harry with a scolding look or if Niall showed up with Nandos.

This morning was no different, Zayn woke up feeling strangely at peace. The pain from the last few days seemed to have subsided, there was just a small residual ache that stung within his chest when he turned to see the empty bed. Unlike most mornings though, he didn't feel lost in an ocean. It felt more like walking in a pool. He knew he couldn't drown but there would always be that little lack of confidence from his fear of water. In this case, it was his fear of being alone.

Zayn didn't quite know when that fear of being alone had flourished. Being a child, he was known for spending time on his own. He liked being around others. Crowds usually formed around him but he always had the everlasting urge to spend time by himself. He use to think it was soothing, until the day he realized he was different. Terrorist was the word that always bothered him most. The first time it had be directed at him as an insult, had left him to wonder if that would forever be an obstacle in his life.

 He worried his friends' parents wouldn't want him to play with their children, afraid that he would taint their innocence with his "stupid religion". Since then, the thought always danced around the back of his mind, tormenting his every relationship.

Louis had told him multiple times that he was being dumb. That his religion or skin color didn't matter, but sadly the world was filled with idiots that didn't have Lou's mentality. So here he was at 21, frightened by the world's stupidity and ignorance that could possibly lead him to a life of waking up in an empty bed.

Zayn's thoughts were brutally interrupted when Louis barged into his room, jumping on the bed like a toddler.

"He's a fucking fireman, a fireman, Zayn!" Louis screamed, inches from his face.

 _He could have at least brushed his teeth_ , thought Zayn as he rolled over, grunting in his pillow.

 "Are you quite finished?" he moaned with annoyance. "Its too early for your shit".

Louis bounced a final time, letting himself fall onto the mattress next to Zayn where he started poking his side.

"Young Harold forgot to mention yesterday that our dear mate Liam, you remember him? The guy that saw you naked. Well, yes, him. He. Is. A. Freaking. Fireman," shouted Louis.

Zayn stared up at Louis, a confused expression etched upon his face.

"So?" he asked, sleep still fogging his consciousness.

Deception formed on Louis's face as he shook Zayn, rattling his brain from slumber. "Where is your imagination Malik!"

"I might have dropped it when I heard you shriek like a four year old girl," taunted Zayn, looking over Lou's shoulder to see Harry peaking in.

"I told you he wouldn't care,"  Harry shrugged as he bit into an apple. "He's not as shallow as you are, darling".

The corner of Lou's mouth lifted into a self satisfied smirk as he walked to Harry's side, with additional sway to his hips. He smacked his boyfriends ass, causing a surprised whine to be released.

"Aren't you lucky you're hot then," Lou laughed against the younger boys lips. The kiss intensified within seconds and Zayn rolled over, shielding his eyes.

"Not in my room, you filthy animals," he groaned.

Two harmonious bubbles of laughter were heard before the door shut close and Zayn was left on his own.

He rubbed at his face, trying to brush off the last debris of sleep that were lingering. He opened his eyes, staring at the cream colored ceiling, and let his mind drift off into a fantasy for a minute. Liam was a fireman. A hot, fireman.

Zayn could picture him in the stereotypical uniform, the hardhat, with the bright yellow fireproof pants held by large braces. Maybe the shirt could be optional in this fantasy. A sheen filter of sweat covering the broad shoulders and light skin, flexing under the weight of an axe, or maybe a hose.

An aroused sob escaped Zayn as he bit into his lower lip. Perhaps he cared more than he had given off. Perhaps he was a little shallow.  

**************************************************************

Niall showed up later that day, bringing some pizza and movies for the lot of them to listen to. They all settled into the living room, stacked comfortably one over another. Half way through the second movie, the love birds drifted to their rooms. Louis pretending to be tired as Harry kept moving his hand under the blanket in suspicious gestures.

"Don't know how you do it," commented Niall as he reached over for another slice of Hawaiian pizza.

Zayn wrinkled his nose. They always ordered the same 3 pizzas, plus an extra Hawaiian that no one really ever ate unless starvation was upon them. It was stupid really, but they had loads of imbecile traditions that none of them could bare to dissolve.

"Harry bought me great earphones for my birthday," he answered, his eyes tracing the movement on the screen. "I don't think that was a coincidence".

Niall scoffed a laugh in acknowledgement, leaning his head onto Zayn's shoulder.

"So, Liam the fireman, huh?" the blond mused after a few moments of silence.

"Not you too," Zayn exclaimed with annoyance. "You shouldn't listen to a word Louis said. He's full of it".

Niall pulled back, looking at him with a mock-offended look. "As if I'd listen to that wanker," he said with a smirk. "Harry on the other hand".

"They really need to get a life that doesn't involve my love interest," sighed Zayn as he stood and walked over to the kitchen. He stumbled around, gathering things to make himself a cuppa, but he really wasn't all that attentive to his own actions.

Niall followed him closely, settling behind him with his hip leaning against the counter. When Zayn met his eyes, there was obvious amusement shinning within the swirls of blue.

"So you do confirm, there is interest".

"Don't," Zayn deadpanned, "I have enough with these two idiots. He's just some random guy that likes comic books and happens to be fit, no big deal".

"No big deal," repeated Niall, evidently unconvinced by Zayn's affirmation.

Both mates gazed at each other, a mental battle occurring in utter silence. This was his thing with Niall. They just stared at each other until one of them caved and then they moved on.

Two minutes later when the kettle whistled, announcing the tea was ready Niall smiled at Zayn, clapping him on the shoulder.

"If you say so, mate," he added before walking back to the living room, where the dull sound from the movie could still be heard.

Zayn let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he shifted to sit on the counter. He knew his friends were simply trying to encourage him with Liam because they were tired of his broken-hearted zombie act. But truth be told, Zayn didn't know if he was ready to try and be with someone. Liam was obviously perfect, yet that made everything even worse.

Liam was the kind of guy you fell for and settled down with. Not the type of guy you fucked in a dirty bathroom and whispered filthy things to. So maybe Liam encompassed every single aspect Zayn needed in a good man for a relationship, but he was certainly not everything Zayn wanted for a quick rebound and a satisfying fuck.

The idea of Liam was proving to be much more complicated than he thought it would be and that in itself was a problem.

***********************************************************************

The line at Starbucks was taking forever and Zayn's arms were starting to cave under the heavy weight of his textbooks.

"How long can it be to order coffee," he mumbled to himself as he rearranged his battered copy of _On A Wing and A Prayer_ before it toppled to the floor.

Why he kept coming to Starbucks to get coffee every morning was truly beyond him. Every day he waited in line for unbelievable periods of time, to get the same coffee he could get on campus for much cheaper. Nothing about this addiction made sense but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. The line shuffled slightly forward and he followed in queue, eyeing the pastry display as his stomach grumbled.

The barista disrupted his sugar contemplation as she stood on the tip of her toes to announce they were out of Italian Roast until noon. Frustrated sighs and complaints were heard throughout the line as people left the store and a woman even stomped her foot and started to argue with the petite girl behind the counter.

"This is simply deplorable," muttered Zayn as he crouched down to settle his books on the floor. A lick of pain shooting through his arm. Certainly a left over from his encounter with a wall on Friday.

"Need a hand?" a smooth, familiar, rugged voice asked from behind him.

He spun on his heels as he stood, knocking over his stack of books and tumbling into a nearby display.

Liam's hand shot out immediately, grabbing him by the arm to pull him back onto his feet.

"Careful there, you don't want to end up having your coffee in the hospital," laughed Liam as he brushed his fingers down Zayn's arm.

Zayn smiled weakly as he gathered his books, before standing as tall as he could in front of Liam. He wasn't going to be the blushing virgin today, he told himself. This lad was just like any other and that stupid crinkly smile and warm chocolate eyes were not going to swoon him. Not today - No.

"Let me help you," extended Liam as he picked a few books from Zayn's arm to pile them into his own. He was wearing a regular black t-shirt that hit just perfectly along the ridge of his bicep and stretched under the flex of his muscle as the strain of the books accumulated.

"You don't have to," said Zayn hurriedly, talking a step forward in line as the previous customer left.

"I want to," assured Liam, his voice laced with truth.

"Thanks," replied Zayn with a smile, this time his smile expanding to full capacity. He felt the heat course through his body at the proximity to the other's body.

He was about to ask Liam how he was when the barista finally addressed him, taking his order under note.

"That's all?" she asked him, waiting for his answer to ring up the total.

But before he could answer, Liam interjected. "I'll have the same," he told the girl, handing her a few bills.

She took them without question, and handed Liam his change before turning to the next customer.

"You didn't have to do that," Zayn said as he looked at Liam's strong profile. The way he stood in the morning light cast a shadow across his features, making him look much fiercer than normally.

"Your arms were kinda full," Liam retorted, arching a brow at Zayn's books. "and I wanted to. As a thank you for showing me your comics".

"I think I enjoyed that more than you did," grinned the smaller boy.

Liam turned in his direction, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he chuckled. "I very much doubt that".

Zayn didn't know what to answer, so he nodded comfortably as they waited for their order. When it finally came, he leaned over the counter to retrieve it, feeling Liam's body at his back. His breath hitched as a muscular arm passed by him, practically enveloping his smaller form. Their hips were nearly pressed together, as Zayn found himself caged in between the counter and Liam's body.

Just as he decided he would have his own fun with Liam, and press back into the bigger man's crotch, Liam stepped back, an amused glint in his eyes. He tasted his coffee and moaned lightly as he licked his lips. Zayn stayed silent, his own mischievous brain coming to action with plans of retaliation.

 _Two can play that game_ , he thought as he made his way out of the coffee shop, Liam hot on his trail. And as he pushed the door open, he felt Liam's heated palm pressed to his lower back. A shiver ran through his spin, leaving him slightly breathless. Maybe this boy was exactly what Zayn needed after all.  

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to Jasmine for going over this one for me! Very much appreciated!  
> Hopefully everyone enjoys it!

The walk to campus was relatively short, which on most days was a good thing. However, for the first time, Zayn found himself wishing he had miles to walk to get to campus. After they had exited the coffee shop, Liam  had casually followed Zayn, strolling leisurely beside him as both men sipped their drinks in silence.

Liam's presence was like the sun, roaming half a step behind him and radiating with a pleasurable heat. Zayn wanted to bask in his glow all day. Maybe curl up around him with a thick novel and lose himself in the comfort of strong arms and warm laughter.

The image made him smile softly, as his lips pressed to the recyclable paper cup. He sneaked a glance sideways, trying to get a good look at Liam as they turned onto the street that lead to the campus. The taller boy was already looking in Zayn's direction and offered him a full grin. Distracted by the way Liam's Adam's apple bobbed as he took a sip of his drink, Zayn stumbled a little in his stride as his ragged old boots caught in a shallow crevasse of the side walk.

"Where exactly are you going?" Zayn asked in effort to distract Liam from his clumsiness. There was nothing near campus other than other coffee shops and cheap bookstores.

"It's a nice day," Liam shrugged, his muscled shoulders contracting with the movement. "Wanted to explore."

For the first time, Zayn noticed a small birth mark at the base of the other man's throat and he had the immediate desire to suck on it. He rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. His fascination with Liam was far too sudden and deep for his own liking. "Hard dirty fuck" he mumbled under his breath as a reminder of what he really needed.

They reached the literature building that towered over the Quad where clusters of busy students were gathered.

"This is me." 

Liam nodded in acknowledgement, the air suddenly becoming tense as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Both men stood facing each other, an awkward silence growing with each second.

"I guess I'll see you around," muttered Zayn, as he gathered his book from the other's arms. Liam's arms simply let go of the books, his long fingers gently sliding off the hard surface.

Zayn took the first step up the stairway, thanking Liam as he went, his body still unconsciously half turned in the other's direction.

"Or you could have dinner with me," Liam casually replied.

"What?" mouthed Zayn, the surprise in his voice obvious to more than himself.

"God, that came out wrong," stammered Liam, a slight reddish tint swiftly making its way through his face. "I'm not asking you out. Not that I wouldn't ask you out. Like your hot and everything-"

Zayn cocked an eyebrow as he watched Liam get more and more flustered as he dug a deeper hole with his babbling.

"Shit, I didn't mean to say that," continued Liam, his fingers now crushing the empty cup of coffee.  "Anyways, point is, you could have dinner ~~,~~ with me and Harry. Harry will definitely be there. Louis too, maybe. But definitely Harry, not just me. Like no date wit-".

"I get it," laughed Zayn. "No need to blow a neuron, Liam"

"Right," huffed Liam, shuffling on his feet from evident discomfort.

Zayn observed him with growing attention as he walked backwards up the stairs. "I'll see you tonight".

Liam's eyes snapped up from where they had been tracing the lines in the pavement, and seemed to skim along Zayn's features. He felt an uncontrollable shiver run through him, as he reached to settle his hand on the knob of the door. Liam's gaze followed his movement attentively.

"Around 7," Liam concluded as he started backing away. Zayn agreed with a nod, his eyes lingering on the curve of the taller man's ass as he turned to make his way back from where they had come only minutes ago.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Zayn called after Liam.

"Yeah?" answered the older man, a questioning look etched on his face.

Zayn nervously nibbled on his bottom lip before finally opening the door to the building, without looking at it. "You're pretty hot too".

The confusion on Liam's face dispersed almost immediately, replaced by his recurrent crinkly smile. No words were needed in this instant. Zayn granted the grinning man a last glance before entering the somber building. He walked down the corridor, a satisfied smirk embedded on his lips as he couldn't help but pride himself of his renewed confidence. No man made him into a stumbling fool, he was Zayn Freaking Malik after all.

As he concentrated on his surroundings, Zayn noticed the empty corridors. He peeked down at his wrist watch, trying to angle the stack of books in his arms properly so they wouldn't go stumbling to the ground.

"Fuck," he muttered as he realized how late he was.

Zayn quickened his pace as he turned the corner towards the lecture hall. When he finally made it to the crowded room, a few students gazed his way but not anymore notice was given to his late appearance. He found an empty seat near the back of the room and settled down, trying to slow his breathing.

 _I need to stop smoking_ , he thought, as the professor opened up a debate on Hemmingway's _A Farwell to Arms._

Everyone around him started ruffling through their notes, the chatter rising within the small groups that quickly formed but Zayn couldn't seem to pay attention. His mind wandered back to Liam and his fumbling speech.

The fact that the older boy went from assertively flirting in the coffee shop to stumbling through his attraction to Zayn made him a complete mystery. There was something different that made him quite interesting. Zayn wanted to discover what that was. He wanted to unravel the mystery that lay beneath the cool exposure and chiseled physique. He wanted to know how a sweet soul could turn cheeky within seconds. And in all honesty, he wanted to know what Liam would sound like with a dick in his mouth and fingers threaded in his hair.

An involuntary groan escaped his lips and he shuffled in his seat at the growing discomfort in his pants. The girl next to him gave him a questioning look, her eyes shifting to his lap before turning back to her conversation.

 _A hard on while discussing Hemmingway was a sure way to give him a creepy reputation,_ he thought as he opened his book to the required page. The professor's piercing voice made its way through the classroom as the other students settled down.

Class continued with its normal course and Zayn tried hard to focus, but the lingering taste of coffee on his tongue made him wonder something else. What would that same bittersweet aroma taste like on Liam's tongue, on a lazy Sunday morning. Maybe, he should find out.

_________________________________________________________

As Zayn finally set foot in his apartment, he let out a sigh that coincided with the thud of his head against the door. He closed his eyes, and tried to dim the lights with his mind.

Today had been one hell of a day, filled with arguments and chaos. Two of the students he tutored had tried to rip him off in their payments, and one of his lectures has been interrupted by a fire alarm. Overall, he had spent most of his day with a massive headache and an a restless desire to go home and bury his head under the blankets.

Zayn opened his eyes and shuffled further into the unusually clean living room. The shoes and various articles of clothing that commonly littered the floor were nowhere to seen. He peeked into the kitchen to see Harry twirling around with a wooden spoon between his lips. His massive state-of-the-art earphones covered his ears and no doubtfully made the younger boy oblivious to the world.

A whiff of fresh tomato and basil winded by him as Harry turned towards the stove top, adjusting the heat of a few items. The thought of Harry's homemade fresh pasta made Zayn's mouth water but he was in desperate need of a shower. Without making his presence known to the curly haired boy, Zayn headed towards his room.

He quickly stripped out of his clothing, and entered the confines of the glass shower, hissing as the first stream hit his skin. He shuffled around in the quickly warming water, massaging his arms and trying to relax.

When he was finally feeling more at ease, he stepped out of the steaming shower and dressed quickly in comfy sweats and a hoodie. He towel dried his hair and left it limp across his forehead. He was in too much pain to care that it would, without a doubt, dry unattractively ~~,~~ matted to his skin.

 In hopes of helping his headache dissipate, Zayn replaced his contacts with his black frames and headed to the kitchen to join Harry. The younger lad was still preparing dinner, his lowly voice flowing through the apartment as he sang along to some Arctic Monkey.

Harry's green eyes caught Zayn's entrance into the kitchen and immediately the younger boy's expression shifted with genuine happiness.

"You're home," exclaimed Harry as he removed his headphones, a worried glance inspecting Zayn. "You look like shit".

"Thanks," Zayn huffed, with distant amusement as he picked up a piece of cheese from the heaping pile Harry had been cutting out. "Rough day."

"Good thing that's about to change," Harry announced with excitement as he smacked Zayn's hand away from another piece of cheese.

Zayn nodded affectionately. "You know your food always makes me happy."

Harry chucked in response, as he picked a dish out of a nearby cabinet. He started filling it up with steaming pasta and sauce, before covering it with cheese and popping it into the oven.

Seconds later, a knock came from their front door and Zayn grunted. He wasn't in any mood to receive company, so he hoped it was no one but Niall, or possibly Louis, who had forgotten his keys once more.

"Must be Liam," chirped Harry as he made his way to the front door, whipping his palms on the front of his shirt.

And it hit Zayn like a ton of bricks. Liam was here. For dinner.

"Fuck me," muttered Zayn as he hurried up, looking for a reflective surface to adjust his hair into something more attractive. "I look like a wet freaking rat".

____________________________________________________

When he finally made his way into the living room, Liam and Harry were sat next to one another, thumbing through a collection of records Zayn had never seen before. He stayed back for a minute, admiring the easy dynamics between the two childhood friends.

The two boys didn't have much in common, their physique and personality seemed opposite on the natural spectrum but their easy laughter matched perfectly.

"There you are," Harry said as he caught sight of Zayn lurking in the doorway.

He stepped forward, giving the two other men a small, awkward wave. "Hi."

"Hi," breathed out Liam, his eyes shifting over Zayn's new appearance. Liam was obviously flustered at the change in style, making Zayn slightly self-conscious. He pulled at the hem of his hoodie, as if trying to hide himself behind the lose material.

The silence built between the three men, as they all just stared at one another.

"What?" asked Zayn, peering down at his attire. It wasn't that bad.

Before Harry or Liam could answer, the door busted upon, revealing a shirtless Louis huffing for breath. The door was slammed a minute later as his half naked best friend stood in the middle of the living room, leaving everyone starring, puzzled.

"I'M HOME," announced Louis, a smile breaking across his face as Harry hurried over to his side, demanding an explanation.

And for once in his life, Zayn was glad that Louis was incapable of doing anything normally.

_________________________________________________

After a long and overly detailed explanation of how Louis had managed to piss off a dog a few blocks down, and then ran home as he was being chased, Zayn still wondered why his best mate was shirtless.

They were now seated at the dining room table, enjoying the pasta that Harry had prepared. Everyone was listening attentively to Louis, his endless tale still going. Zayn however, was once again distracted by Liam. The curious and continuous gaze across the table from the other man had him question his appearance. He knew sweats and hoodies weren't exactly fashion runway material, but the way Liam was staring at him with a weird look on his face was becoming quite rude.

"Are you quite finished?" he exhaled, looking directly at Liam.

Zayn usually poised himself on his patience and tact, but today's crap events and ongoing headache left him bare of his usual _laissez-faire_ attitude.

Louis's insistent chatter abruptly ceased, all heads turning in Zayn's direction.

"Didn't your mother teach you that it's rude to stare," added Zayn for good measure, instantly regretting it as Liam winced as if he had been physically hit.

His two roommates sat silently, obviously floored by Zayn's mood. This was unlike him, and he knew it, but for some reason he just couldn't help it. He felt as though Liam was playing with him. Flirting at Starbucks, then fumbling with words on campus and now plainly staring at Zayn as if he had grown puss infected pimples all over his chest.

He wasn't in the mood to be dicked around. A cheating, lying scum bag of an ex was enough, he didn't need Liam's bipolar attitude to add to his heartache. 

"I'm going to my room," he mumbled as he grabbed his plate and a few pieces of bread and unceremoniously made his way out of the dining room. He could feel three pairs of eyes staring holes in his back but he didn't bother trying to explain his behavior. He slammed his door, more forcefully than he had meant before hastily settling at the foot of his bed.

The plate of pasta in his lap now looked unappetizing. He grunted, annoyed with Liam's reaction but mostly with his own. 

He hadn't meant to react like that. In fact, he had been quite excited at the thought of eating dinner with Liam but something had shifted in the connection between them. The way the taller boy looked at him now, unashamedly running his eyes over Zayn as if something was wrong with him. He had lived through that situation too many times, boys showing interest and the minute they realized he was a little different, giving him the stink eye. He was tired of feeling as if he was beneath everybody, and he wasn't going to sit at his own dining room table and let Liam do the same. Even if he was Harry's friend.

A soft knock at the door silenced his thoughts. He stood, unwillingly, dropping the now cold plate of pasta on a nearby dresser before opening the door. He half expected Louis to storm in, to smack him across the face dramatically, or Harry to walk in with a pitiful look but anger blazing in his eyes.

But what he found behind the door was an obviously uncomfortable Liam, hands shoved deep inside the pockets of his faded jeans. The thick material of his Henley stretched over all the right parts of his chest and arms. His head was bowed down, looking directly at the ground and Zayn suddenly had never felt worse in his life.

He stepped aside, allowing Liam to enter. The other man did so, without looking up, but Zayn could see the way he was brutally biting his bottom lip.

"I didn't mean to be rude," whispered Liam, practically inaudibly.

Zayn swallowed, ashamed that his thoughtless behavior had elicited such a  strong reaction from Liam. He closed the door behind them, locking it without conscious thought.

"It's ok," he mused, his throat constricting as he backed away to sit on the bed. "I overreacted. I had a shit day and I took it out on you."

Liam nodded, as if understanding Zayn's explanation. "I should still apologize".

Zayn huffed out a laugh, his eyes settling on Liam's jaw as it moved with uneasiness. "Please don't. It'll just make me feel like more of an asshole."

The conflict that spread over Liam's features as he finally looked up at Zayn was apparent, but the bigger man stayed quiet. Silence once again settled between them as they assessed one another.

"I don't mean to pry," Zayn finally said, breaking the silence, as he shifted on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest to wrap his arms around. "But why were you staring at me?"

When an answer never came, Zayn tried to diffuse the tension. "I look that bad in sweats, huh?" he half joked.

Immediately, Liam took a step towards him, an uncertain hand reaching out as if to stroke his cheek, but it was pulled back as soon as it had been outstretched.

"God, no. You look beautiful," assured Liam. An instant later, a look of panic crossed his face, as if he had just realized what he had said.

Zayn couldn't help but chuckle at Liam's brutal honesty. There was no way this boy had meant any harm with his staring. Zayn was starting to wonder if Liam was even capable of voluntarily hurting somebody. He was too sweet for his own good, and clumsy with words in an endearing manner.

"Then why?" he asked again, standing to be at eye level with the other man. He was a little shorter though, so he had to tip his head back a little to look into Liam's golden brown eyes.

Again, no answer came, but Zayn wasn't sure he wanted one anymore. He was distracted by the perfume that Liam emanated, losing himself in the musky aroma that seemed to envelop him completely. He tensed momentarily from surprised when he felt Liam's strong hand settle on his hip, but relaxed almost simultaneously as the other man started to thumb small circles into his skin.

"It's because of your tattoo," Liam finally explained, their lips inches from one another.

"Oh." 

Zayn knew that tattoos weren't everyone's thing and his clothes had obviously hidden the majority of his own when Liam had been around previously. Looking down at his chest, he realized that his hoodie wasn't zipped high enough to hide the pair of striking red lips that were flanked by the set of angel wings.

"Not your thing?" he asked, disappointed.

The hand on his hip pulled him in closer, and he suddenly found himself flush against Liam's body. He tried to avoid the other man's searching gaze, but Liam was having none of it. He reached out, gently grabbing Zayn's chin to tilt up his head so he could look in his eyes.

"Quite the contrary," Liam assured him, smirking down at Zayn, his fingers now trailing down his neck.

The bigger man leaned in closer, their cheeks rubbing against one another. The stubble of Liam's jaw should prickle, thought Zayn as he tried to breathe, but the truth was,  it sent a bolt of pleasure through his body.

"I was actually wondering who was the lucky bastard that had his lips immortalized on your chest," whispered Liam, directly into his ear.

The hot breath of the other man fanning across his skin coupled with the near proximity of their bodies and the sinful words had Zayn whimpering. He cursed his body for being so weak but before he could truly reject his reaction, Liam pulled back for a second, searching Zayn's face before leaning in for a scorching kiss.

Their lips molded to one another instantly, as Zayn gasped into Liam's warm mouth. He felt disoriented, lost in the sensation and taste of a man he barely knew, yet nothing and no one had ever sent his body ablaze like this before.

He willed his mind to shut down so he could finally enjoy the moment. But the minute he truly started to kiss back, the passion between the both of them flaring as they gripped each other's body, Liam pulled back.

"What?" whined Zayn with annoyance as he clutched Liam's shoulder, trying to pull him back to him.

Liam chucked softly, his hand at Zayn's back running across the thick material of the hoodie.

"Just making sure I wasn't being too forward."

"Really?" laughed Zayn, moving his hand down to the front of Liam's Henley, grabbing a handful of the pale material.

"Not forward enough," concluded Zayn as he attacked Liam's mouth once more, letting himself fall on the bed with an amused grunt while taking Liam down with him.

He groaned under the delicious pressure of Liam's body against his own, and continued kissing with renewed intensity. It was desperate and aggressive, nothing sweet about it, but Zayn felt as if he would die if he didn't keep licking at Liam's mouth. He felt a hand on his nape, trying to tilt his head back and he did as demanded giving better access to the stronger man.

He pulled Liam closer; trailing his hands down the man’s muscular back to finally rest them on his lean hips. Liam’s fingers dug into his scalp and lower back as the savage embrace continued. It didn’t take long for Zayn to get aroused, everything about Liam made him crave release and at that moment, an orgasm felt like the best way to counter his headache.

He moaned loudly as Liam left his lips bare, to trail kisses and bites down his neck. Zayn eyes snapped open as he felt Liam's hand pulling down the zipper of his hoodie. Their eyes met in a heated battle, which Zayn willingly lost, tilting his head back with a groan. As Liam started stripping him of his clothes, Zayn carelessly threw his glass in the direction of the side table, accidentally knocking over a nearby lamp.

The crashing sound didn't startle them in anyway, both men too focused on the other's body to pay it any attention. Their lips clashed once more, no desperation lost in the unfolding of their pleasures. Liam's hand settled just above the waistband of his sweatpants, as if demanding permission, which Zayn automatically granted with an exaggerated thrust of his hips.

Liam palmed him, eliciting a moan from Zayn, which died on his lips a moment later when he heard the loud banging at his door.

"Go away," he groaned, trying to control his breathing. The last thing he needed was Louis figuring out what they were doing and making endless penis jokes.

"We heard a noise," answered Harry, his voice muffled through the door. Zayn could barely pay it any attention as the interruption hadn't phased Liam whatsoever. The man's sinful lips, red and raw from their brutal kiss were now skimming down his torso.

"Fuck," he breathed as he watched Liam finally pull down his pants, to reveal his straining erection. He knew he should be self-conscious, considering he was the only one naked and his best friends were at the door but he was too far gone.

"Did you kill the newcomer, Malik?" he heard Louis shout through the door, as the knob turned but without avail.

When neither Zayn nor Liam answered, far too busy exchanging another fiery kiss, Louis started banging on the door once more. "Are you apologizing to Liam with your dick in his ass?"

Zayn rolled his eyes, catching Liam's face between his face so he could look at him.

"I don't think they're going away," he conceded, aggravated as he was in desperate need to get off.

Liam seemed to contemplate their options before nodding once, pulling away from Zayn to straighten out his clothes. Sighing, Zayn pulled his pants up, grabbing a nearby t-shirt to cover the love bites that were already blossoming all over his skin. His erection wasn't that easy to hide but the loose material of his sweatpants didn't give much away when he tucked his throbbing dick into the waistband.

As he reached the door, he could still hear Louis's, loud and insistent banging as Harry started getting flustered. "Liam James Payne, if you're alive and you're not answering me-"

Zayn swung the door open before Harry could finish. Both his friends stood there like idiots, their mouth agape as they stared at him, and his obviously disheveled appearance.

"We're both alive and well," assured Zayn, leaning back to let them see Liam, casually sitting on the bed. He had grabbed the cold pasta from the dresser and was shoveling large spoonfuls into his mouth. Liam smiled childishly, making Zayn laugh. Only this man could go from filthy bed lips to innocent kid in seconds, no one else.

And as Harry made his way over to Liam, as if to inspect him to make sure Zayn hadn't indeed harmed him, Louis smirked at him knowingly.

"You sure do look alive," he laughed, punching Zayn in the shoulder before leaving.

Zayn winced in pain momentarily before turning to watch Harry steal the spoon from Liam's hand and take his own heaping bite of the pasta. He could see Liam over the younger boy's shoulder, looking directly in his direction, before winking in his direction.

He groaned silently, heading out after Louis. Liam was without a doubt different from any other man he had ever met. The duality in his personality evoked countless opposing emotions in Zayn but there was just something special about him. Something worth exploring.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me some feedback at www.romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com :)


	4. Chapter 4

Two week later, Zayn found himself sitting in the middle of Liam’s living room, looking up at the freshly painted wall.

“That looks sick,” Liam said in amazement, sitting down next to Zayn as he offered him a beer.

Zayn had to admit this piece was one of his best as of late, the characters of the Avengers team bursting through a flash of graffiti, marking up Liam’s wall in a unique mural.

“I still don’t know how I can thank you for this. The place was so bland before,” Liam continued as he leaned back on his palms, legs sprawled in front of him allowing Zayn to admire the man’s body.

“You won’t be thanking me when your landlord has a fit,” laughed Zayn in reply, taking a swing of his beer to appease the drying sensation in his throat.

Liam hummed in reply, shrugging his shoulders which had his shirt catching on the top of his jeans, exposing a patch of taunt skin just above the waistline of his pants.

“I’m surprised you haven’t jumped my bones yet,” Zayn mocked, running his hand slowly up Liam’s thigh.

“That was one time!,” whined Liam, hiding his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck before pressing a hot kiss there, lips lingering slowly. “I didn’t hear you complaining when I made you come within minutes.”

“It was a little hard since you had your fingers in my mouth,” countered Zayn, setting his beer down so he could straddle Liam’s lap, running his hands through the man’s hair before smiling at him. “I was quite disappointed you wouldn’t let me scream.”

Embarrassed, Liam whined again, hiding his blushing cheeks into Zayn’s chest as he bit his nipple through his shirt. “Harry and Lou were in the living room.”

“So?” questioned Zayn, arching a brow as Liam flushed an even deeper shade of red.

Rather than wait for a reply, Zayn cupped the back of Liam’s head, angling the man’s face up towards him so he could kiss Liam. He started out slowly, building a rhythm of pure need until the both started moaning into the touch, rocking their hips against one another.

Truth was, they had been doing this for over a week now, falling easily into one another as if they had always done so. It was almost natural for Zayn to peck Liam’s lips when he walked into a room, almost routinely to run his hand down Liam’s back when they ate take out on weekdays.

Ever since Harry and Lou had busted them kissing goodnight the evening after Zayn’s little freak out, they had simply become inseparable, spending almost every free minute of their day together.

In fact, Zayn spent most of his time wrapped in Liam’s clothes while he studied for his midterms, getting distracted by Liam’s sweaty body who often did push ups right next to him. And yet, even if it had only been two weeks, Zayn found himself craving Liam’s touch, bathing in the comforts of strong arms that made the rest of the world fade away.

He knew better than to fall too quickly, to allow his heart to be ripped out of his chest too soon, but he was content with whatever relationship he and Liam were having. They weren’t exactly dating, not exactly just fucking, but it was a pleasant mix of the two that left Zayn satisfied and glowing.

“I’m working in 30 minutes,” sighed Liam after a minute, pulling their lips apart even though his erection was pulsing proudly against Zayn’s own thigh.

Groaning, Zayn pulled away, swiveling his hips teasingly until Liam’s hands on his hips steadied him.

“Don’t tease,” reprimanded Liam, punctuating his words with a thrust of his own hips, making Zayn moan. “It’s just for two nights.”

“But it’s cold outside,” Zayn grumbled, tugging on a loose strand of Liam’s hair that fell easily onto his forehead. “And I’m expected full body payment for this mural. I’m an artist, I don’t work for free.”

“Oh now you want payment,” laughed Liam, biting along Zayn’s jaw until he could whisper in his ear. “Stop by the firehouse tonight, I’ll pay you back for every drop of paint you used.”

Confused, Zayn pulled away, feeling his heart beat frantically from Liam’s touch. “What do you mean?”

“I guess you’ll just have to come and see,” Liam replied, dumping Zayn on the ground as he stood quickly, wiping off his jeans as he smiled down at Zayn.

Glaring from the floor, Zayn looked up at Liam through his lashes, taking another drink from his beer. “I hate you, you know that.”

“Of course I do,” grimaced Liam, kicking at Zayn’s shin lightly before walking away, down the corridor towards his room.

Zayn sat quietly in the middle of the paintbrushes and paint, drinking his beer as he tried to slow his breathing. His dick was still throbbing, the prospect of Liam paying him back running fantasies through his mind.

“Do I have to bring anything?” Zayn called out after a minute, hearing the echo of Liam’s footsteps walking towards him.

The man appeared in the archway of the living room, pulling a shirt over his head, allowing Zayn full view of that man’s body. The sight had Zayn licking his lips, groaning as he pushed a hand against his still hardening length.

“Depends how kinky you want your payment to be,” chuckled Liam, threading his fingers through his hair when his shirt was pulled down fully.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Just lock the door when you leave yeah?” Liam replied as if it was completely normal that he was leaving and Zayn was staying.

“Yeah yeah, just want to do a few touch ups.” Zayn assured, turning easily to kiss Liam’s lips, lingering more than usual because he knew he would spend the next two nights in bed alone.

“Be safe, yeah? Like, don’t play hero babe,” he added for good measure, barely a whisper as he breathed across Liam’s mouth.

“Always am,” Liam promised, nodding as he smiled down at Zayn one last time. “Text me when you get to the firehouse, I’ll sneak you in.”

Zayn only laughed in reply, waving Liam off before turning back to his mural. The more they spent time together the more Zayn realized Liam was not the innocent boy most people took him to be. He was in fact a gentleman, kind, generous and honest beyond anything but there was always that spark in his eye. Liam was a little mischievous, his hands gliding over Zayn’s body whenever no one was watching, his lips ghosting over Zayn’s skin, whispering dirt words and filthy promises that had Zayn shivering in pleasure.

It was an aspect of Liam that Zayn simply hadn’t expected and yet he found himself loving every minute of it. He hadn’t thought about his ex in almost two weeks other than to laugh at how pathetic he’d been to hold on to an asshole for so long. Being with Liam, even if it was only as mates, drinking beer and watching telly was more uplifting that anything else Zayn had ever done before. It was simple and yet perfect, something Zayn refused to question at the moment.

Hearing the soft click of the door closing behind Liam had Zayn sighing as he leaned back, admiring his work as he contemplated what else to add to it.

\------------------------------------

By the time Zayn made it to the firehouse it was late evening, the night already rolling in properly, stars shining brightly in the sky. He felt an odd sensation as he approached the building, the doors to the garage already closed. Leaning against the side wall, the bricks digging into his back, Zayn lit a cigarette, sending a quick text to Liam to let him know he was here.

Zayn was hoping that Liam hadn’t been called on a run, the evening already miserably cold and Zayn had no intention of walking home without at least a little warming up. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, Zayn settle against the wall, closing his eyes as he waited.

On the last pull of his cigarette, he was startled by a strong hand on his shoulder which turned him around effortlessly.

“You fucking scared me,” muttered Zayn as he hit Liam’s shoulder, clicking his tongue as he took in the sight of the man before him.

Liam stood before him smiling, his hair wet with strands catching the light of the nearby streetlamp, casting shadows across hiss face. He smelled lightly of soothe, a distinct aroma that had Zayn scrunching his nose at the thought of Liam running into a burning building.

“Sorry,” laughed Liam, a little louder than Zayn expected considering how they really weren’t suppose to be here. “Didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“Is that a pun?” questioned Zayn, dragging Liam closer by the edge of his jacket until they were pressed together, bodies molding against one another.

“You’re an idiot,” Liam mumbled, not giving Zayn a second to argue as he pressed their lips together, kissing him hungrily.

Sighing into the touch, Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck, forgetting the fact that it was bloody cold outside and any one that walked by the building could see them. Within minutes, Liam had him panting with need, his blood boiling in his veins as his body craved more.

“Please tell me you didn’t ask me to come here to dry hump me,” groaned Zayn, biting Liam’s bottom lip as the other man’s hands ran over his ass, pulling him forth until his entire chest was pressed to Liam’s.

“Come with me,” smiled Liam, grabbing Zayn hand without waiting for a reply, dragging him towards the back of the building where there was a small exit door. Zayn held his breath as he followed Liam in, grateful for the lick of heat that smoothed over his skin once the door was closed behind them.

The lights throughout the main floor of the firehouse were all open, people at the front desk talking lowly as Liam quietly pulled Zayn up a flight of narrow steps. The minute they were encompassed in a small room down the hall, Zayn was pressed into the wooden door, Liam’s mouth attached to his neck.

“Where exactly are we?” asked Zayn, trying not to moan when Liam’s hand palmed his growing erection through his jeans.

“My mate’s office, he’s out of town for a week,” Liam assured, not stopping one second as he unbuttoned Zayn’s jeans, dropping to his knees before Zayn’s dick was even out.

“Fuck Liam, are you serious,” Zayn grunted, threading his fingers through Liam’s hair, but the man needed no indication, his lips parting easily as he took Zayn in, licking around the head teasingly. “Is this like a fantasy of yours babe, getting your face fucked when one of your colleagues could walk in any minute?”

Rather than reply, Liam only moaned around Zayn, forcing his head down, taking more of Zayn into his mouth. Biting down on his own lip, trying to muffle the groans that bubbled through his throat, Zayn, tugged at Liam’s hair, silently begging for more.

“You’re so good babe,” whispered Zayn, his hips lifting on their own accord, fucking into Liam’s throat with a little desperation. But Liam didn’t miss a beat, opening his mouth a little further as he pulled away, pumping Zayn a few times before pushing his head down again, hitting the back of his throat and yet never relenting.

“Turn around,” Liam said as he pulled away suddenly, voice raw from the assault to his own throat, as he pulled Zayn’s jeans down, kissing the inside of his thigh.

Without thought, Zayn complied, shuffling awkwardly until his forehead was pressed to the wooden door, arms leaning against the wall on either side of his head to support himself.

“Don’t fucking tease me Liam,” growled Zayn when he felt Liam’s fingers ghost across the dip of his back, hot breathe fanning across his ass.  

Immediately, there was a finger pressing at his hole, the touch making Zayn shiver as he unconsciously pushed back, realizing he hadn’t even heard Liam taking any lube out. But his mind was too far gone, hazy with lust as Liam pressed in, to wonder where the lube had come from.

Shamelessly rutting back, Zayn groaned at the pressure inside of his body, the stretch of Liam adding a second finger as lips brushed across his thigh almost enough to make him come.

“Want you to fuck me,” Zayn whispered through gritted teeth, trying to breathe calmly but he knew it wouldn’t last long. There was something about Liam doing this in public, in his work space that made Zayn breathless. It simply blew his mind how easily he trusted this man.

And the trust only added to the sensation, making Zayn’s heart swell when he felt Liam kiss the twin dimples at the bottom of his back, a third finger being pushed into him.

Rocking back against the intrusion, Zayn moaned into his arm, trying to hide his desperation as he whimpered when Liam’s fingers brushed his prostate. He was almost grateful when those same fingers were being pulled out, leaving him feel empty as he whined low in his throat, comforted by Liam’s lips against his neck.

“I’m going to take care of you babe,” promised Liam, his voice fading into the pressure inside Zayn’s head, the beat of his heart ringing in his ear.

The hand that settled on his hip was almost comforting, Liam’s body blanketing Zayn’s back as he curved his body, pushing his ass out to allow Liam better access.

“Look at you,” groaned Liam as he rolled on the condom, nudging the head of his cock along Zayn’s entrance. “You’re almost begging for it, so desperate for me.”

“Shut up,” mumbled Zayn, all but silenced when Liam slowly rocked into him, a large palm settling over his mouth to muffle his moans.

There was a pause, nothing more than a few seconds when Liam held Zayn against the door, completely motionless as he allowed Zayn to get accustomed to the size. By then, Zayn was already rocking back on his own, trying to take Liam deeper as he whined against Liam’s fingers, begging for more.

Understanding the wordless demand, Liam skimmed his hand along Zayn’s body, down his ribs until he was holding both his hips. The first real thrust had Zayn’s eyes all but rolling to the back of his head, the shuttering breathes against his shoulder making him dizzy as Liam started pounding into him.

He could hear the soft knocking of his own body into the wooden door, the slick sound of Liam’s skin slapping against his own and yet Zayn found himself lost, gagging on Liam’s fingers as he gave his body over to the other man.

And Liam took Zayn without restraint, bruising already blooming over Zayn’s skin as he swiveled his hips back, helping Liam’s every thrust. They fell into a frantic rhythm, a frenzied movement of bodies as they held onto one another, the room echoing with sighs and moans.

The minute Liam’s hand wrapped around Zayn’s length, pumping him fully, it was enough to push Zayn over the edge. He came in long strips, painting the door white with a muffled cry on his lips as he bit into his own forearm, the salty taste of sweat stinging his tongue.

The realization of Zayn’s orgasm only seemed to spark Liam on, the man’s grunts echoing across Zayn’s skin, every thrust coming more rapidly than the next. Zayn forced his body to stay up as a countermeasure, accepting everything that Liam gave him, the touch of the man’s hand on his dick almost painful but he did nothing but whine silently, his ass clenching around Liam.

“Please babe,” he begged, not exactly certain what he was asking for, hoping Liam would understand.

The hush plea was enough for Liam’s hips to sputter as he reached his own orgasm, lips pressed tightly to Zayn’s neck, sucking a bruising kiss that would no doubt be seen for days. There were a few more shallow thrust to Liam’s climax, every one of them making Zayn moan from the sheer over stimulation that radiated through his body.

“You really didn’t think this plan through,” whispered Zayn after a minute, grateful when Liam’s arms wrapped around his waist to keep him up.

“Why not?” Liam asked, turning Zayn over so they could kiss properly, something slow and intimate that was almost terrifying, but Zayn was too content to think of.

“My legs feel like noodles,” smiled Zayn, leaning into Liam’s body, pressing his forehead to the other man’s as he tried to regain his footing. “There’s no way I’m walking out of here anytime soon.”

Laughing, the sound still raw from the earlier dick suck, Liam kissed Zayn again, lingering in their sex crazed bubble a little longer. That is, until Zayn complained about being cold which only had Liam smiling in response, dragging Zayn’s jeans up before wrapping his arms around him.

“I’ll keep you warm,” promised Liam, just as Zayn fell asleep sweetly, lips still pressed to Liam’s skin.  


	5. Chapter 5

The fire was everywhere on the news by the time Zayn made it home, his hands shaking as he rushed to turn on the television, changing the channel until he came upon the images of the blazing fire completely destroying a huge red brick building downtown. Every one on campus had been talking about it, a dark black cloud of smoke already coating the entire town, making the air difficult to breath, the fire department issuing a mandate for all civilians to stay inside. The university had cancelled classes, explaining why Zayn was now home, added to the fact that he had forgotten his cellphone on the table this morning, unable to reach Liam, which had caused him to have a slight panic attack.

Raising the volume to make sure he didn't miss anything, Zayn headed towards the kitchen, grabbing his phone and texting Liam quickly, dropping the apparatus on the counter before crumbling into a chair. He felt completely out of breath, his head pounding as his heart started beating frantically. Zayn rubbed the back of his hand against his face, his eyes stinging from the dirty air but mostly from the tears he was desperately trying to contain, knowing that if he started crying now, he wouldn't stop for hours.

He had spent the last two months living in a bubble of pure bliss, his grades sky rocketing at an all time high, his final graduating project almost done, weeks in advance thanks to Liam's help, as well as the fact he had even gotten a raise from work, making every thing in his life almost perfect. And even though he wanted to take all the credit for his own happiness, blaming Harry's inspirational bullshit about being one's on hero, Zayn knew that most of his new found attitude had to be attributed to Liam's influence.

The other man was simply a ball of light, radiating joyful energy and making Zayn just as stupidly happy. Liam's presence coupled with Harry, Louis and Niall's sure had been effecting Zayn mood, dragging him out of his pathetic post breakup sadness, turning his life into a goddamn rom com.

There was also the fact that the sex had been amazing, obviously playing into Zayn's new laid back attitude and calmness, but right now, he couldn't help but freak out. He thought he was used to Liam's job, to the idea of the other man running into burning buildings and risking his life on a daily basis, but this felt completely different. The flames had been burning for hours already, multiple casualties being announced on the news, including fire fighters that had perished in the blaze. The thing was, the press were refusing to release the names of the deceased, making Zayn absolutely terrified as he fisted his hair, trying to breathe deeply to avoid another panic attack.

He didn't want to think about the possibility of loosing Liam, didn't want to imagine the man he had come to admire prisoner of a horrendous fire, stuck and burning to death while no one came to help him.

Groaning, Zayn pushed away from the table, wiping the tears that were streaming down his face with his sweater, reaching for his phone once again to text Harry.

The response was almost immediate, the words _I don't know either, Liam hasn't answered me_ _today_ almost screaming at Zayn from the small screen.

It took every ounce of self control Zayn had not to throw his phone across the room as his legs buckled, hand shooting out to keep him steady, in the end only helping him ease himself to the ground.

"This can't be happening," Zayn sobbed as he leaned against the wall, closing his eyes, trying to prevent the headache in his mind from spreading. He couldn't imagine loosing Liam, the thought itself didn't even seem possible. In less than 3 months Liam had managed to become a part of their little group, fitting right in as if he had always been there. He was the perfect match to Niall's happiness, the other half to Louis's mischief and the anchor to Harry, being well..Harry.

And for Zayn he was a bit of everything, the shoulder he leaned on after a hard day at work, the ear that listened to him complain about his professors, the arms that held him at night when he was cold and mostly the man that ironically set his body ablaze with a simple touch of lips.

Swallowing around his anxiety, Zayn tried to slow his hectic breathing, sighing in relief when he saw the front door open, Louis at his side in seconds.

"Christ Zayn, you need to breathe," he heard Louis say in his ear, a hand pressed to his back running smooth circles into his skin in a comforting manner. Zayn tried to focus on Louis voice, latching on to his friend's touch to drag him out of the chaos in his mind, his strength completely giving out as he leaned into Louis, trusting him to keep him from crashing to the ground even further.

"Niall and Harry are on their way," Louis mumbled into his hair, again soothing him, the knowledge that his friends were on their way making his heart beat a little slower.

He stayed there on the floor with Louis a little longer, his hands fisted in the other's shirt, knowing he shouldn't be this distraught by the situation but he couldn't help it, had always been sensitive to the thought of loosing people in his life since his grand father had died in a car accident when he was young.

By the time the others made it to the flat, Louis had managed to help Zayn to the couch, and tend to the tears, only small occasional whimper now replacing the previous heart wrenching sobs.

The other boys seemed just as pained by the situation as he was, although they seemed to be better at coping with it as they all settled on the couch together, squeezed in with cups of tea, watching the news, waiting.

 

\--------------------------------

 

The news anchor finally announced that the flames had been contained around 10pm, the first wave of fire fighters leaving the scene, heading back to their respective homes. By midnight, the blaze had completely been extinguished, but the town was still only a shadow of its former self, completely covered with a thick black smoke, the remains of a terrific event lingering everywhere.

Still, time passed and none of them received any news from Liam, their phones all placed on the coffee table before them, lifeless. And Zayn couldn't help but picture Liam somewhere in a hospital, his own body just as motionless.

A little passed 1, Niall fell asleep with his head upon Zayn's shoulder, giving the older boy something to focus on, the Niall's breath fanning across his cheek, the rhythm slow and somehow reassuring.

"Maybe you should call his mom again," Zayn whispered to Harry after starring at the television for a few minutes, the images of the fire playing on constant replay, permanently burned into his mind, a living nightmare he would never forget.

But Harry simply shook his head, Louis's hand on his shoulder slipping down his back. "She said she'd call if she heard from him, I don't want to make this even harder on her," he said calmly, his voice raw from all the previous crying.

Zayn couldn't bring himself to argue, knew that calling back was irrational but he felt helpless, sitting here doing nothing as the death tally kept rising, over 10 civilian lives lost, as well as 2 firefighters.

He tried to rationalize with himself, count the probabilities that it would be Liam that was caught in the fire. And even though he knew the odds were slim, he couldn't help but worry, his hands shaking as he reached for his phone, making sure he hadn't received a text.

As all the other times he had checked, the phone showed no new messages, making him sigh with frustration as he leaned back into the lumpy couch, cuddling into Louis's side, running his fingers through Niall's hair who grumbled in his sleep.

 

A few seconds later, there was a knock on the front door, all their heads snapping in its direction immediately. Before anyone could even say a word, Zayn was out of his seat, ripping the door open, his heart caught in his throat as he saw Liam standing there, hands in his pocket with his head bowed as if in shame. Zayn couldn't help what happened next, his arms wrapping themselves tightly around Liam's neck as he hugged the other man as close to his body as he could, tears staining his cheeks once more as he mumbled incoherent words into Liam's neck, clinging to him desperately.

"I'm fine babe," he heard Liam say, but it barely registered in his mind, his fingers digging deeply in the other's back. After a few minutes of Liam repeating the same thing over and over again, his large hands smoothing over Zayn's back, Zayn finally managed to pull away, looking up at Liam's face for the first time, noticing the bruise there, the dark circles under his eyes and the bandage upon the other side of his neck.

"You're hurt," he mumbled as the others approached, Harry coming up right next to them, hugging Liam quickly before pulling away, squeezing Zayn's hand as if offering support.

"It's nothing," Liam replied, the pain and fatigue obvious in his voice. "Mind if I come in?"

Only then did Zayn realize they were still standing in the doorway, all crowded around Liam, invading his bubble when it was apparent he needed space. Almost simultaneously, they all took a step back towards the living room, but Liam's hand shot out, grabbing Zayn's wrist and pulling him back into his chest.

"Don't let me go," he breathed into Zayn's neck, walking with the others until they all sat around the living room, every other person moving around Liam, orbiting around him as if he was the sun and they couldn't help but gravitate towards him. Until then, Zayn hadn't noticed the way Liam's hands were shaking as they wrap themselves around his, making him whimper as he cuddled into Liam's side.

"You could have called," Louis finally said, surprising no one in the room, even though Harry reached out to pinch Louis's side, making the other boy jump as he cursed under his breath. "You're all thinking it," he mumbled as he shuffled closer to Niall, who rolled his eyes at him.

"It's called being nice and considerate," the blond uttered, blinking up at Liam, obviously agreeing with Louis statement.

"I'm sorry," Liam groaned as he rubbed his face with his free hand, looking around the room before looking down at Zayn, coughing a few times as though trying to clear his throat. "I lost my phone, and everything was so chaotic. When I finally left the scene, I was brought directly to the ER for check up. I came here directly after being released, I couldn't even think of going home."

"It's ok," assured Zayn, running his hands all over Liam as if trying to convince himself that Liam was really here, safe and sound. "You're here, it's all that matters."

A chorus of _yeahs_ followed suit, Liam looking around the room with a soft smile on his lips, almost odd looking in contrast to his tired eyes.

Yet none of them made a move to leave, or go to their rooms, all gathers around Liam, the tension that had been in the air earlier slowly dissipating as they drew strength from one another, bathing in the joy that Liam's appearance had brought them. And they stayed like that, one after the other falling asleep until only Liam and Zayn were left in the silence of the night, fingers laced together as they whispered secrets to one another, the stars illuminating the room.

"You know you're screwed now, right?" Zayn mumbled when he heard Liam yawn, ghosting his fingers along Liam's collarbone, trying to stay away from the bandaged neck.

"Why's that," asked Liam as he gazed down at Zayn, bringing his hand up to smooth his fingers along Zayn nose, then his jaw, smiling sweetly as he pressed their foreheads together.

Zayn sighed at the touch, relief flooding his system as he closed his eyes. "Because I'm never letting you go now. You scared the fuck out of me, and that means that I'm going to become annoyingly clingy."

And rather than reassure Zayn, Liam stayed silent, allowing his fingers to do the talking, touching Zayn everywhere he could reach until he tilted his chin up, bringing their lips together for a kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere," Liam promised, kissing Zayn again, this time more forcefully until they were both breathless, pulling back so he could look down at Zayn, sadness evident in his eyes. "But that means you can't go anywhere. I'm not letting you go either."

As if it was the easiest thing in the world to agree to, Zayn nodded, pressing his face into the cotton of Liam's shirt, digging his fingers into the larger man's hip, keeping them closely snuggled together.

"Don't worry, I'm not letting you go either," he vowed, slowly falling asleep. "They're going to have to pry me away from you."


	6. Chapter 6

The rain and dark skies only add to the somber ambiance of the last funeral, everyone gathered around the coffin under their oversized umbrellas as the priest commenced his speech. It felt as though the entire town was attending, honouring the second of the firefighter that had lost his life in the blaze.

Ever since the fire, the town seemed like a shadow of its former self, the damage of the burned building still being searched for indication of what had caused it, the city walls still covered in the remains of the thick black fog. The only good thing that had stemmed from the horrendous fire was the bond it had created between the people of the city. The local high school had organized a charity event to collect funds to help the families of the victims, which had turned into an enormous block party. Everyone had gathered in the school parking lot, trying to change their minds, bringing clothing, food and donations to try and appease the hearts of the wounded.

But of course, the memory of the event was still very present, a thought at the back of everyone's mind no matter what they did and how hard they tried to move on.

For Zayn, it felt more like a constant knot in his stomach, compressing his insides and making him feel nauseous. The afternoon after the fire, when Liam had to go back to the fire station, Zayn had stood by the door barely able to let go of the other man, too afraid of what could happen, that maybe this time Liam wouldn't come back, that maybe this time it would be Liam that got crushed by a flaming column.

Zayn had spent the next twelve hours pacing circles around his flat as his friends tried to distract him with food and video games, a little weed and alcohol but to no avail. In the end, he sat in his bed, head lying upon Niall's lap as the other man hummed to him until he finally fell asleep, nightmares haunting his restless slumber. When he woke up to lips pressed against his neck, strong arms around his waist, he didn't even have to open his eyes to know who it was. The simple warmth that had spread through his chest had been indication enough that Liam was home, safe and whole and that he too could now rest in peace.

And Zayn knew how difficult all this was for Liam who went back to work so quickly, saying the town needed his help now more than ever. The man simply sacrificed himself, day in and day out, volunteering everywhere he could, spending extra hours at the station since two of his co-workers were now gone, and many of the others needed time to cope, having been friends with the deceased for years. Liam on the other hand seemed to be struggling with a bit of survivor's guilt, something Zayn had read slightly about but had a hard time understanding.

Yet he admired Liam's compassion for people he barely knew, understood why Liam would have traded places with his co-workers when he finally saw their families. Zayn saw the absolute devastation of a lone mother standing, sobbing by her husband's grave, a toddler in her arms as a little girl in a black dress stood by her side, holding on to her mother with shaking hands. Only then did Zayn comprehend the horror with which Liam lived, wondering why he had survived when a good man had passed. In that moment, Zayn leaned into Liam's side, holding on to the larger hand dearly, offering as much support, comfort and love as he could, vowing that the minute they got back to his flat he would show Liam exactly why he had survived, why he was loved and needed in this world just as much as his co-workers who had sorrowfully died.

In this moment however, Zayn hated the tension that he could feel in Liam's entire body, usually so relaxed and calm, now strung tight, always on edge no matter what they did and even more so now as the priest finished talking and people lined up to give their final goodbyes. As the minutes ticked by, people paying their respects one by one, the rain only seemed to grow more intense, falling like bullets into the grown, almost painfully as it resonated against the glossy wood of the coffin.

It made Zayn think about an old Victorian custom he'd studied in his first year of art history about the meaning of rain the day of a burial. Contrary to that of a wedding party, rain that fell on a coffin was viewed as an indication that the deceased soul had arrived safely in heaven. And even though it wasn't a part of Zayn's actual culture and beliefs, he still clung that the idea, whispering it in Liam's ear who smiled down at him, kissing his forehead as he murmured as soft _thank you_ that warmed Zayn's heart, who shuffled forward, even closer into Liam willing arms.

But Zayn couldn't help but feel awkward in such a position, knowing absolutely no one that was present except Liam, who then again barely knew the man that had died, yet had ardently wanted to attend the funeral of every single person that had lost their life during the fire as a sign of respect and appreciation. So Zayn had pushed aside his anxiety, figuring out that being by Liam's side in such a difficult time was probably best anyways, knowing that if he had stayed home alone he would have panicked, waiting for news that Liam was in fact safe.

He couldn't help worrying every time Liam was out of his sight, knowing fully well it was irrational, but unable to prevent his mind from tumbling into an abyss of constant worry.

Straightening his suit as they finally reached the coffin, Zayn tried not to let his emotions show, wanting to be strong for Liam. He tightened his hold on the umbrella, angling it above them so Liam could reach out towards the coffin without becoming wet, a last sign to honour his fellow firefighter before stepping away. Almost immediately, Liam's arm wrapped itself around Zayn's waist, almost as if Liam was asking for an anchor, needing the connection that Zayn willingly gave as they walked back towards Zayn's car in silence.

They sat without saying anything for a few minutes in the confines of the vehicle, Liam barely able to sit still, his foot taping against the used rubber carpet, his hands making tight fist and releasing them constantly as though trying to burn off energy.

"Are you cold?" Zayn asked as he noticed how Liam's entire body seemed to be shaking, the other man blinking up at him as though lost.

It was obvious from the look in his eyes that the weather was the last thing on Liam's mind, the usually warm amber eyes almost lifeless as Liam shook his head before turning towards the window.

Rather than argue, or push for Liam to say more, Zayn started the car, pulling onto the road quickly. He settled his hand on top of Liam's thigh, rubbing small patterns into the material of the other's trousers, pleased when Liam didn't push him away, convincing himself that everything would be alright.

 

When they finally made it back to Zayn's flat, they found themselves alone, Liam walking directly towards the bathroom without a word, almost zombie like, making Zayn heart clench as he closed the door behind himself.

Sighing with frustration, Zayn started the kettle, pulling at his tie, the jacket to his suit already forgotten on the couch by the entrance. He leaned into the counter, rubbing at his face, trying to dissipate the headache that was slowly building in the back of his skull, pushing at his brain in ways he didn't know were possible. He couldn't figure out how to get out of his own mind long enough to help Liam, to aid him back into a normal life.

Truth was, every waking moment Zayn hadn't been cuddled into Liam's side or in class this week had been spent reading up about the consequences of lost firefighters had to deal with and ways to help them cope. It was the only way Zayn had found to stop feeling useless, easing Liam into conversations that seemed to help relieve his stress, or sometimes just his body.

It was frightening however to know someone for so very little time and feel as though you needed them to survive. It felt too much like the past for Zayn, his habit of falling a little too fast something he was obviously on his way to repeating.

The circumstances made it easy, seeing Liam so vulnerable and distraught over something he had no control only seemed to further Zayn's admiration of the other man, falling completely and utterly for the golden heart and selfless man he was witnessing every day.

 

Sighing again, unable to figure out what to do at this point, Zayn poured the boiling water into two different mugs, preparing his tea and Liam's, hopeful that the other man would soon come out from the bathroom, yet knowing that the odds of that happening were very slim.

Zayn sipped at his tea, hands wrapped around the mug, seeking warmth as he starred out the kitchen window, the rain staining the glass as it slid down. He jumped when he felt a hand upon his shoulder, Liam's presence suddenly enveloping him, appeasing his anguish slightly as he leaned back into the touch, almost surprised when Liam wrapped his arms around him. For the last few days, even though they spent all their time together and touching, it almost felt distant, more like something needy than affectionate.

"Thanks for the tea," Liam said quietly as he pressed a kiss to the back of Zayn's head, making the smaller man smile into his mug.

"Figured it would warm us both up," he replied, needing to feel useful.

Liam hummed in response, the sound vibrating through Zayn as their bodies melt into one another, the pain and grief slowly evading them as they fed off each other's presence.

"I would rather you warm me up," breathed Liam, the words fanning across Zayn's neck sending shivers down his spin as he slowly turned around, looking up at Liam through thick lashes.

He didn't need to ask what the other man meant, knew perfectly well what to do. It was obvious after all, Liam never being one for long meaningful conversations, preferring to talk with the lines of his body, the touch of his fingers and the taste of his tongue.

Pushing himself onto the tip of his toes, Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam's neck, staring into the other man's eyes, trying to coax out something. What exactly he wasn't sure but he felt as though this was an important moment between them. He leaned in after a moment, brushing his mouth against Liam's, relieved when the other all but whimpered at the touch, his fingers now digging into Zayn's back, dragging him closer.

Zayn didn't need more encouragement, finally closing the gaps between them, kissing Liam slowly, almost demanding for the other to take control, which Liam did easily, his large hand moving to the nape of Zayn's neck, holding him passionately as the kiss deepened. In seconds Zayn found himself lost in Liam's body, the usual fog of desire and need settling in his mind, making him rub up against Liam, gasping when he was lifted into the air, his legs automatically locking around Liam's hip.

He let himself be carried towards the bedroom, biting at Liam's tongue, pleased when the other grunted, pressing him up against the corridor wall, his back slamming into the plaster making him groan.

For a moment Liam pulled away, his eyes glassy as he studied Zayn, lips already swollen from kissing. They gazed at each other, panting, the tension and electricity in the air so thick it made Zayn breathless. He had never seen Liam so dishevelled, looking so sexy and yet vulnerable as he leaned in, pressing kisses down Zayn's neck, making him squirm.

"Take me to bed," Zayn grumbled, as he pushed at Liam's shoulder, needing the clothes between them off, almost shaking with the utter need to feel Liam's naked skin against his own.

Within seconds he was pushed onto the plush duvet of his own bed, Liam's fingers quickly working at the buttons of his shirt as he did the same, stripping the man that straddled him, feeling as though they were removing more than clothes. It was not like they had never had sex before, but somehow this felt different, more intimate, more meaningful.

Pushing the material of Liam's button down off his shoulders, Zayn forced himself, up, mouthing at the other's neck, allowing Liam to peel off his clothes, his trousers and boxers soon tossed to the side.

Zayn whined pathetically when Liam slip away, off the bed to remove his own trousers and boxers, holding Zayn's gaze the entire time, the blush in his cheeks growing as Zayn moved onto all fours, crawling towards the edge of the bed where Liam stood naked. He raised himself onto his knees, beckoning Liam closer until he could brush his fingers along the scar at Liam's neck, the skin still healing from the fire, the bruises on the other's face almost gone, but forever present in Zayn's mind.

"Let me show you how much you matter," Zayn muttered quietly, ghosting his fingers down Liam's chest, before reaching up, fingers delving into Liam's soft hair to bring him forth, kissing him delicately. He felt Liam's palm running down his back, pressing them together as he leaned back, falling upon the mattress with Liam over him, their lips barely separating for an instance before reconnecting, sparks spreading through Zayn's body every time, just like the first time.

The weight of Liam's body over his felt so familiar, easing the pain in his chest that had been harrowing him for the past few days. But Zayn didn't want this moment to be about him as he rolled on top of Liam, peering down at the other man with a loving expression. He caressed Liam's body as he slid down the bed, rubbing his stubble along Liam's defined abdomen, loving the noises the other made as Zayn took hold of Liam's cock, stroking it a few times, eyes fixated on the way his lover's face crunched up, lips parting, all but begging.

Zayn loved the musky smell of Liam as he took him into his mouth, hallowing his cheeks as he sucked lightly, shivering when Liam threading his fingers through his hair, pushing him down further on his dick. Zayn felt the movement of Liam's hips, small thrust that pushed his dick to the back of Zayn's throat who relaxed into the touch, opening his throat as best he could before pulling off. He pressed kisses down Liam's thigh, pushing Liam's leg up until his feet were planted on the bed. It allowed Zayn the space he needed to reach lower, skimming his fingers along the sensitive skin. His own breath caught when he glanced up, seeing Liam's eyes closed, completely trusting as his legs fell open even further.

Smiling, Zayn leaned over Liam's body, kissing the man's abs as he reached blindly for the lube that rested on his bedside table, coating his fingers quickly before breaching Liam for the first time, capturing the other man's gasp into a kiss.

"You take my breath away, Liam," Zayn moaned as he worked in a second finger slowly, captivated by the way Liam pushed back against him, hips grinding down, demanding more even though he was barely starting to loosen.

Liam's reply came as a deep groan, his entire body shaking as Zayn kept opening him, taking his time, making sure to pleasure Liam every way he could, his own lips tingling as he sucked patterns along Liam's hip, thighs, and cock.

When Liam was finally ready, condom in hand, begging Zayn to be fucked, Zayn couldn't deny him, allowing Liam to roll the condom onto him, taking his time to kiss the other thoroughly, conveying everything he felt in a press of lips, whispering for Liam to roll over.

Completely trusting and without any hesitation, Liam turned onto his hands and knees, lowering his shoulders to the mattress, arching his back to give Zayn an amazing, inviting view. Pressing in, Zayn rubbed his thumb into Liam's hip, holding him down, but also encouraging him, responding to Liam's little noises with his own until he was fully sheathed in.

With small thrust, Zayn found a slow but heated rhythm, wanting to drag out the pleasure, to worship Liam's body and make him feel things he had never felt before. He alternated between slow, deep thrusts and quicker, shallow ones, caressing the strong lines of Liam's back as he leaned down, pressing his chest to Liam's back.

Zayn wanted nothing more than to feel connected to Liam, to show him what he couldn't find the words to say, to make the other man see the amazing thing that had developed between them. Zayn fed off his own desire for relief, knowing he needed this connection just as much as Liam did.

He could feel Liam clenching around him within minutes, the moans turning into grunts, non-coherent words falling from Liam's tongue as he pressed his face into the thick duvet.

"I want you to know how beautiful you are," Zayn added when he skimmed his hands down Liam's arms, pressing his hands over Liam's to lace their fingers lovingly. "You're like sunshine and happiness, love and pleasure wrapped into the most beautiful package. I can't get enough of you."

Liam's response this time came out as a moan, Zayn's name echoing in the air as Zayn pressed his forehead between Liam's shoulder blades, increasing his rhythm as he fucked into Liam quicker. He felt his own orgasm quickly building as he reached down to stroke Liam's dick, matching the motion of his hips to the one of his hand, kissing Liam's back as he whispered praise into the sweat slicked skin.

Liam's orgasm came almost as a surprise, the strong body beneath Zayn suddenly quivering, Liam's fingers almost painfully delving into Zayn's own while Zayn 's other hand quickened the pace, stroking Liam until he finally came. It almost felt surreal, how it all went so slowly and yet so intense, Liam's body all but collapsing instantly, Zayn hand wet with come stuck underneath him as he kept thrusting into Liam's willing body, the little noises coming from Liam's mouth spurring him on.

His climax hit him like a truck, his vision going hazy as he tried to focus on the breathy moans filling the air, the sensation of Liam clenching around him making him loose control until he too crumpled on top of Liam.

Zayn felt his entire body strum with a new kind of electricity, one that calmed his soul as he nuzzled his face into Liam's neck, finally pulling out as Liam whimpered underneath him, hands immediately reaching out, fumbling until the settled along Zayn's body.

Both panting, they clung to one another's body, desperate not to break the connection they had made in that moment, more than their bodies connecting as they starred into one another eyes. Liam eventually reached out, pushing Zayn's fringe out of his eyes, running the tip of his finger along the curve of Zayn's nose until he caressed his lips.

"You make all the bad things disappear," Liam whispered as though it was a secret, closing his eyes as Zayn kept his open, unable to look away. He was simply in awe of Liam, completely and utterly lost in the man that was pressed against him, making his heart swell as he pressed a kiss to Liam's mouth.

He didn't have the words to express how he felt, didn't want to ruin the moment with the three small words that echoed in the back of his mind. Shifting away, Zayn rid himself of the condom, pulling Liam back into him as he laced his fingers through the soft brown hair, humming to himself as he listened to Liam's breathing calm, at peace for once since the horrors of the fire.


	7. Chapter 7

It was quite late when Zayn heard the front door to the flat close, waking him from his fitful slumber as he groaned into his pillow, the thick black frame of his glasses pushing into his cheek. With a sigh he pulled the glasses off, pushing them towards the bedside table, placing them on top of the books he had spent all night studying that now laid discarded and forgotten.

He rolled over slowly, stretching as he listened carefully to the noise coming from the other room, knowing fully well by the weight of the footsteps that Liam was making his way towards the bedroom. Seconds later, the door to his room was pushed open, a massive silhouette in its wake as Zayn smiled to himself, smelling the familiar odour of Liam's body wash spreading through the air.

Without thought to how ridiculous he looked, Zayn reached out in Liam's direction, making grabby hands like a whiny child until Liam chuckled, approaching until their hands met, their fingers lacing automatically as the other man sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey love," Liam whispered, his voice clearly amused by Zayn's actions. "Didn't mean to wake you."

Shaking his head in dismissal, Zayn heaved himself into Liam's lap, inhaling deeply, his heart rate slowly as his senses took in everything that Liam was, a mental checklist flicking through his head. Ever since the fire, Zayn couldn't help but get restless when Liam was at work, and the first thing he always did when they saw each other again was assess that Liam was still in one piece.

"Glad you did," he finally replied, looking up at Liam, his features hazy in the absence of light, but Zayn couldn't help but reach up, trailing his fingers along what he knew was Liam's jaw. "Missed you."

Rather than answer, Liam bent down, lips grazing along Zayn's chin until their lips met in a soft kiss. "You're the cutest when you're sleepy," Liam said as he pulled away, gentle touch lingering along Zayn's face, combing through his hair.

"Shut up and get into bed," Zayn groaned, feeling his cheeks burn up from embarrassment as he hid his face in the front of Liam's shirt, kissing the other man's stomach through his shirt.

Liam complied easily, an amused chuckle escaping his mouth. He pulled off his shirt, lifting Zayn's head to place it back on his pillow before standing, removing his jeans and sliding into bed, front pressed snuggly against Zayn's back, who moaned at the touch.

Within seconds, Zayn found himself edging into sleep again, the warmth and comfort of Liam's arm wrapped around him lifting the weight that had settled in his heart the minute Liam had left for work earlier this morning. The same weight that fell and was lifted daily. Even though it had been a few weeks since the last funeral, the town was still plagued by the memory of the fire and Zayn's heart was no different.

He knew the risk of Liam's job, knew that Liam was cautious when he was working and yet, nothing took away from the pain of seeing him leave.

With time, it didn't change, Zayn still got stupidly anxious at the thought of Liam running through blazing flames even if he never mentioned it. It was one thing about their relationship that he knew Liam was thankful for.

No matter how fast everything had evolved, how much their relationship had changed, Zayn knew he could never ask Liam to quit his job. In fact, as much as he hated every second Liam was away, the thought had never truly crossed his mind.

Rather than bath in his own paranoia, Zayn tried to focus on the good things these horrendous events had created. The fact that he got to see Liam every day was an advantage in itself, the other man also not so fond of being alone since the blaze, preferring to stay at Zayn's flat, until it was too late to drive home.

They found comfort in one another, bathing in each other's touch, now familiar and craved. It was an odd feeling, becoming so attached to someone so quickly and for once not regretting it. Zayn knew perfectly well after all that he had a habit of falling a little too fast, and a little too hard for the wrong people, but Liam didn't feel wrong. Nothing about Liam felt wrong, quite the opposite, every single moment they spent together simply felt right, almost perfect.

Cuddling back into Liam's arms, Zayn pressed a kiss to the man's arm dragging a grunt out of the Liam as he pushed his bum out, seeking warmth but mostly just to entice.

"I thought you were tired," Liam whispered, as though afraid to raise his voice in the darkness of the night.

'I am," replied Zayn, turning so he could face Liam, pouting until the other man's arms brought him closer once again. "I just like kissing you, knowing you're there."

"I'm always here," Liam supplied quickly, but Zayn simply rolled his eyes, running the tip of his nose along Liam's.

"You know what I mean."

There was a pause before Liam nodded, fingers digging along the ridge of Zayn's hip as though making sure he was still there, still real and not simply a dream state illusion.

"I meant to ask you something. Thought it could wait till morning but since we're awake."

Zayn remained silent, waiting to feel the rumble in Liam's chest when he spoke, his lips pressed to the man's throat, hands sliding slowly along Liam's back, starting to feel slightly desperate.

"The station is organizing this thing tomorrow. It's basically a giant game of laser tag with all the firefighters' families. It's to boost spirits or what not. Thing is, I don't have family in town, so I figured, maybe you'd like to come with."

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Zayn asked, surprise evident in his voice. Truth was, no matter how much time they spent together, they had never really been on a date. The events had slightly surpassed them and they seemed to have gone straight to the married couple life, cooped up in Zayn's flat with Netflix and study dates.

"Would you say yes if I was?" Liam countered, lips ghosting across Zayn's forehead, fingers carefully dipping underneath the elastic of his boxer briefs.

"In a heart beat," Zayn said, biting at Liam's bottom lip, dragging his leg up and around Liam's hip until his own breath caught in his throat at the thought of what was to come.

The sex surely was on his mind, but mostly the idea of meeting everyone that worked with Liam, not as a friend, but as a member of his family. Yet, Liam's mouth upon his own soon had him forgetting everything, his brain shutting down as he gave in to his body, hanging off Liam's every touch.

 

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It was late morning when they finally made it to the fire station, smiles and fingers still sticky from the maple syrup and pancakes that they had eaten with Louis and Harry before leaving. It was a quiet morning, the sun high in the sky, spreading comfortable warmth in the air that left Zayn content as he cuddled into Liam's side even if he knew he should probably keep a distance.

There were buses lined up in front of the station already packed with excited children giggling loudly and their parents who tried to contain them.

The only people inside the station were firefighters that had been called from a few towns over to give a break to everyone else, the Chief insisting that it was crucial that every member of the team attend the activity.

For the first time in a long time, the place bubbled with joy, a sentiment that almost seemed foreign after the death of so many. And that feeling only fluttered into bigger emotion when Liam reached out easily, lacing his fingers with Zayn's, kissing the back of his hand before pulling him towards the registration table.

They hadn't actually talked about how open Liam was with his sexuality in regards to his colleagues, but apparently he didn't care one bit if everyone knew that they were a couple. Trailing behind Liam, Zayn watched attentively at how people reacted to his lover, the other people's immediate genuine greetings making his heart swell. He knew how easily he reacted to Liam, yet he was glad to know that he wasn't the only one that fell under the charm of the large brown puppy dog eyes, and carefree laughter.

Within minutes he was introduced to dozens of people, his brain struggling to keep up with all the names as he greeted them shyly, standing slightly behind Liam as though trying to shield himself. When they finally had their tickets in hand, and everyone seemingly greeted, Zayn and Liam headed towards the nearest bus.

It was only half way full by the time they made it on, mostly with young kids and their parents but at the very back sat an impressively large man, shoulders so wide they almost took up the entire seat. The man next to him seemed to barely have any space to himself, but that didn't seem like an issue as the blond was pressed snuggly into the giant's side.

A silent sound escaped Zayn lips when he saw the blond man turn to face him, a huge grin on his face. Zayn stumbling over his own feet as his brain caught up with the fact that Niall was on the bus, pressed up against a man Zayn didn't know, looking completely fucked out and in love. Zayn made his way to the back of the bus, spotting the empty bench right next to Niall as he dragged Liam quickly behind him.

"Niall, mate. What are you doing here?"

Rather than look equally surprised at Zayn's appearance, Niall smile only widened as he stood, hugging Zayn closely as Liam slipped by them into the bench next to him, saluting the huge man next to Niall.

"This is gonna be sick mate, so excited," Niall said as he sat down once more, hand running down the taller man's thigh as if no care in the world.

"Yeah should be great," Zayn agreed, giving Niall a look until his friend laughed in response, reaching out to slap Zayn's face gently as he sat down.

"Close your mouth mate," smirked Niall, before fisting bumping Liam, returning his hand along the larger man's thigh, who Zayn still knew nothing about.

In fact, Zayn didn't even know Niall was seeing anyone, even less so a man, and even less one of Liam's fellow firefighter.

"Brez, this is my best mate Zayn, the smart one I told you about," Niall finally said when the bus started moving, making Zayn blush as he offered his hand to the other man. They shook hands rapidly, Zayn almost swallowing his tongue at the impressive size of the man's hand over his as he looked at Niall questioningly, so many things running through his mind.

But rather than ask straight out, Zayn sat back into his seat, lowering himself until he could lay his head upon Liam's shoulder, fingers playing with the loose threads of Liam's jeans.

"Did you know Niall was seeing someone in your team," Zayn whispered after a few minutes, the roar of the engine no doubt draining out his voice to anyone but Liam.

"I've seen Niall around the station," Liam said looking almost guilty, eyes peering quickly in their friend's direction before looking back down at Zayn. "Can't say I knew why though. You know Niall; he's friends with everyone. After the fire he started showing up a lot and I figured he was just trying to make people smile or something."

Zayn nodded, pushing his feet out so he could kick Niall's shin, making a face when the blond kicked him back and they both laughed like children, snuggling into their respective partners.

"Louis is going to have a field trip with this," Zayn muttered, chuckling when he felt Liam's laughter shiver through him, looking outside as the bus made its way down town, joy lightly filling the air.

 

\------------------------------------------

 

Zayn was hiding behind a huge wall of colourful blocks, the black lights reflecting all over his clothes as he ducked down, trying to remain silent. He pushed his index finger to his mouth, indicating for the two small girls with him to stay quiet as he made an exaggerated flip towards the next wall, signalling for them to follow him as he grinned just as wide as they did.

He and Liam had been placed in opposite teams, which in itself made the game so much more interesting to Zayn. He loved rolling around with the children, making laser noises as he fired random shots at people passing near them, making the girls giggle as they clung to him.

After a few minutes though their parents met up with the girls, shepherding them away, their tiny hands clinging to Zayn who laughed and waved goodbye, promising them both a piggy back ride when they made it out of the maze alive. Truth was, they made him think of his sisters, his heart aching slightly at the thought, reminding he should probably call home and give his parents some news. But it wasn't time to linger on such thoughts.

With the last of his goodbyes done, Zayn turned back into the maze, making his way slowly, crossing members of his own team but no opponents. He tried to think about what kind of tactic Liam would use; hiding until the action was over, playing cautious and defensive, or running around like a chicken without a head, shooting everyone he saw with laughter lines deeply embedded into his cheeks. Surely, the second one was only Niall, his contagious elated roar echoing through the maze, far from subtle. In fact, if it was anyone but Niall, Zayn would probably be annoyed, but seeing the look of pure happiness upon his friend's face was enough to smooth away any ill feeling.

Crouching when he caught sight of his friend Zayn couldn't help but watched, slightly awestruck when he saw Niall being "shot" and dramatically falling to the ground as though mortally injured. Seconds later, Brez, as Niall had called him, was by his side, a wolfish grin upon his features as he looked down at Niall, before reaching down to sweep him up into his arms. And as always, Niall only laughed in response, his hand settling upon the back of Brez's head before they leaned into a sweet kiss, one that had Zayn turning away, cheeks flaming.

Right then and there, he heard the life box strapped upon his chest going off, announcing he had be hit by one of his opponents.

"Distracted by the view," Liam said as he rounded the counter, a triumphant look on his face as he walked towards Zayn, his gun still pointing at Zayn as though he was still a threat.

"Couldn't help myself," Zayn taunted as he peered around, making sure no kids were in sight before he wrapped his arms around Liam's neck. "I couldn't find my really hot boyfriend to keep me out of trouble, so I figured I could just peek in on Niall. I have to report to Louis after all."

"You're a pure menace," Liam groaned as he pulled Zayn in closer, their life boxes clashing together as they kissed, giggling like children. It was easy to forget where they were, enveloped in Liam presence and touch, something deep inside Zayn stomach burning in flames at every touch of lips.

Yet at the back of his mind, Zayn was counting the seconds, distracting Liam with light touches down his neck and a long his jaw, kisses flourishing into something a little too heavy for a public place. But just as he felt himself getting a little too aroused for the situation, Zayn heard the clicker of his life box rejuvenate, announcing that he was back in the game. In an instance, he was pulling away, rolling across the wall as he shot in Liam's direction, giggling loudly when he heard Liam swearing in amusement behind him.

"Zayn Malik, you absolute traitor," he heard Liam roar, yet he took no time to look back at his boyfriend, running as fast as he could back into the maze, hiding and waiting for Liam to find him, his heart light for the first time in months. Dates were a good thing after all he thought as strong arms wrapped around his waist, lips falling upon his neck as he squealed in delight, giving in to Liam's attack.


	8. Chapter 8

"So you weren't going to tell me this?" Zayn said casually as he pushed a beer towards Niall, settling down next to his friend in a pair of Liam's old sweatpants.

It had been two days since their date at the laser tag that had been followed by an amazing night out on the town, filled with gourmet food and sweet kisses that had left Zayn dazed for hours. He found himself even more in love with Liam, still choosing to contain his feelings although everyone around him knew quite well just how bad he had fallen for Liam.

But that wasn't the question of the day; Niall's own love life of more significant interest at the moment.

"Didn't get a chance," Niall replied with a shrug, taking a sip of his beer as he leaned back into the couch, feet crossed over the top of the living room table, completely cluttered with Louis's books.

"That's bullshit mate and you know it," Zayn muttered as he poked Niall repeatedly, his friend slapping his hand away yet grinning like a fool. "We see each other daily Nialler. You had ample opportunity."

Yet Niall didn't answer, his usual smirk pressed upon his lips, eyes glued to the television as he flipped through the channels, ignoring Zayn.

After a few minutes of silence, Zayn felt uneasiness settle in his stomach, a familiar churning he remembered from being a kid. "You know I don't care if you like men Niall, I mean that would be hypocritical of me."

His friend shook his head at the words, a scoff falling from his mouth as he turned in Zayn's direction. "I know you don't care, which is why I never mentioned it. I like people, that's all. Brez is good to me, we like the same things but I don't know where this is going so I didn't mention it."

Zayn pondered on that, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he pulled off the label from his beer. "It's still big though, he brought you to a family event."

"It was laser tag," whined Niall, pushing his face in the crook of Zayn's neck, grumbling something that Zayn's couldn't comprehend until Niall pulled away slightly. "I'm not you mate and Bressie isn't Liam."

"What's that suppose to mean," Zayn countered quickly, shifting so he could run his hands through Niall's hair, the thick blond strands sliding easily through his fingers.

"Means that right now Bressie and I are having some fun, he gets me and vice versa. He's hot as fuck too and I mean the things he can do with his mouth."

"Niall" Zayn interrupted, flicking his friend's ear. "Get to the point please."

With a laugh Niall nodded, working out his thoughts for a few seconds before he proceeded. "I just mean that, I like him and it could become more, but I'm not at the soul mate phase like you and Liam. It's just a bit of fun."

"Fair enough," Zayn conceded, not even trying to pretend he was offended by the soul mate comment, knowing perfectly well how his friends portrayed his relationship with Liam. If he was being honest, they were quite right, his feelings for Liam were deeply rooted, probably more so than he wanted to admit considering the short time they had known each other. Yet, it was easy in all ways, something he hadn't experienced in a long time. So Zayn ignored the alerts ringing in his head telling him to slow down, preferring to be content with the rare drama free moment he was being offered.

"Just tell me when you and Bressie become more serious, I want to meet him, make sure he's nice to you and threaten him that I'll break his face if he fucks with your heart."

"I'd love to see that," Niall said as he rolled his eyes, smirking at Zayn. "Appreciate the thought though."

"Nothing but the best for my Nialler," Zayn replied with a simple smile, cuddling into Niall's side easily as he turned to watch the game.

 

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It was cold in Liam's flat when Zayn finally made it there in the dead of the evening, the heater completely turned off, mostly do to the fact that Liam hadn't been there in days. Most nights, rather than coming home from the station, Liam had taken a habit of coming directly to Zayn's place. A habit Zayn was far from complaining about.

Yet tonight, Liam said he needed to go back to his own flat after his graveyard shift, needing to speak to his landlord early in the morning. So rather than spend a night alone, Zayn had nodded at Liam's words, waiting for him to be at the station for a few hours before sneaking into the other's flat, wanting to prepare the place for Liam's arrival. He thought that a romantic snack in the middle of the night could be a good welcome home, something Liam would appreciate.

But the truth was, Zayn didn't fancy the thought of spending a night alone in his bed, no warm arms wrapped around him and keeping him safe. He much rather surprise Liam with tea and home made cookies upon his arrival, the prospect of slow and intense sex also playing partly into the idea.

Turning on the lights as he deposited his bag by the door, Zayn went through every room, adjusting the heat to levels he thought wouldn't have his fingers freezing off. It felt slightly strange to be back here, the last time being when he had painted the mural upon Liam's living room wall, the colourful art piece now standing out so proudly before him, making him blush as he took a second to admire his work.

Zayn could see the faint modification he had made to Captain America's usual face, painting in some of Liam's features without telling anyone. It seemed fitting at the time, his heart fluttering every time he saw Liam's shirtless, loving the angle of his jaw, the blush on his cheeks.

As cheesy as it sounded, Liam was somewhat of a hero in Zayn's book; not simply due to his career choice, the fact that he saved people's lives on a daily basis only adding to Zayn's admiration. Mostly, Zayn thought of Liam as a hero because of the simple joy the man radiated, the easiness with which he made everyone in a room a little happier in gloom moments. It was something Zayn wished he was capable of doing, knowing firmly well that he had a tendency to dwell on things, to see the darker side rather than the lighter. Harry said it was why he had wanted him to meet Liam in the first place, thinking that Liam's light could counterbalance Zayn's darkness. It was the perfect harmony between two opposite that seemed to work together until they found their meaning, fusing into loving clarity.

Forcing his gaze away, Zayn picked up the bags, carrying them to the kitchen where he emptied their contents on the counter, satisfied with all the ingredients he had brought. He knew that double chocolate chip and macadamia nuts were Liam's favourite cookies, something only the man's mother made for him when he was sick or out of town for too long. So Zayn figured he could try to make them himself, finding a recipe he thought sounded amazing online, hoping that Liam would like them even though he knew they would probably never stand up to the Liam's mother's.

Quickly Zayn got to work, trying to follow the directions attentively, somewhat wishing he had asked Harry for help but at the same time proud of his own efforts. He knew he wasn't much of a cook, and Liam knew that also, making this attempt all the more meaningful.

By the time the cookies were in the oven, Zayn felt exhausted. His hair was streaked with flour, the counter a mirror image of a war zone, caked with various ingredients that would no doubt be a nightmare to clean. It was well passed midnight by the time Zayn finished washing everything up, the last batch of cookies all but ready to be taken out of the oven, steaming hot.

The smell of them was delicious, making him smile as he took out his phone, taking a picture to send out to Harry with a thumbs up. Distracted by his actions, Zayn lowered his hands as he was texting, accidently leaning against the burning hot baking sheet.

Swearing profusely, Zayn shoved his hand under the tap, opening it until cold water poured over his hand, the sting of the burn making him hiss as he jumped in place.

"I'm a damn walking catastrophe," groaned Zayn as he inspected the burn, the skin already growing various shades of angry red.

After a few more seconds under the water, Zayn closed the tap, patting his hand dry as he made his way towards the bathroom, hoping that Liam's _ready-for-anything_ mentality would ensure he had something for burns. Rummaging through the cabinet, Zayn found a tube of aloe lotion and thanked Liam silently for being so reliable.

He lathered up his hand with a thick coat of the lotion, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he tried not to flinch with every touch. When he was done, he pulled the cabinet door open, putting the tube back but as he was closing the door, a little pink box caught his attention, making him reach out for it. He recognized the packaging, something all too common in his household considering he lived mostly with women. _Birth control pills_.

What would Liam be doing with birth control pills thought Zayn as he stood in the middle of the bathroom, pink box in hand, a look of pure confusion etched upon his face.

It was not as if Liam could hide that fact that he was a man. Zayn had seen him naked enough times to know that anatomically speaking Liam was all man.

Within seconds, Zayn could feel the anxiety coursing through his body, the tight ball that hadn't been in his stomach since the fire suddenly reappearing, almost like a punch to his gut.

He knew he should probably wait for Liam, demand an explanation but he couldn't help himself. Making his way towards Liam's bedroom, Zayn immediately spotted a pair of heels by the closet as well as makeup cases and brushes scattered half-hazardly across the top of the dresser.

And Zayn knew he should give Liam the benefit of the doubt, knew that it wasn't like Liam to go behind his back and date someone else, yet Zayn's own past dawned on him. It felt too familiar, his heart in pain as he backed out of the room, shaking his head as if trying to dislodge the thoughts that were building there. Zayn remembered Liam telling him about his past with women, saying that he wasn't exactly sure how he identified, that women were appealing to him some days, while other days he preferred men. He had said that Zayn was some one different though, someone that he never tired of being next to, someone he felt he could be with for a long time. At the time, Zayn hadn't paid much attention to it, perfectly satisfied with his relationship with Liam, but now he couldn't help but question the truth in Liam's words.

Was Liam tiring of him already? Was he starting to desire something different, something that Zayn couldn't offer him so he had gotten out to get it somewhere else? Was that why they never came to Liam's flat? Not because Liam preferred to come home to Zayn, but because he was hiding another lover in his own flat?

There were hundreds of questions fighting themselves into Zayn's mind, shoving at each other, making him dizy as he started to hyperventilate.

Grabbing his coat, Zayn shoved his feet into his boots, making sure the oven was closed and his phone was in his pockets as he headed towards the door. He needed air, his throat feeling tight as he swallowed around nothing, his stomach churning once more as he reached for the doorknob.

But just as he was about to pull the door open, he was halted by the movement of it, making him step back as a tall brunette walked in, her high giggle resonating through the flat as Liam followed closely behind her.

It was obvious from Liam's face that he was not expecting Zayn to be here, his brows furrowed as he walked passed the girl and towards Zayn.

"Zayn what are you doing here?" Liam asked, his tone worried, making Zayn angry somehow; as if he wished Liam would at least feel guilty for whatever this was.

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied bitterly, instantly regretting it. He really did want to think the best of Liam but the images of his ex, in his own bed with one of his class mates were flashing through his mind, making him a little bit of a loose canon. "Your shift doesn't end for another two hours."

Taking a step back at Zayn's tone, Liam's face fell as he reached out for Zayn, fingers falling short when Zayn flinched away.

"Who's this?" Zayn added before Liam had a chance to explain himself, looking in the girl's direction who now stood awkwardly a few feet away. She smiled at him almost sympathetically, making Zayn all the more angry as he looked back at Liam, glaring with intensity.

Swallowing audibly before answering, Liam once again reached for Zayn who allowed the touch this time, seeking comfort and reassurance even though he was bubbling with anger and jealousy on the inside.

"This is Sophia," Liam started to explain and instantly, Zayn wanted to throw up. He didn't hear the rest of what Liam was saying, his own hand coming up to silence the words as he shook his head once more.

Zayn knew that name, knew the history and baggage behind it and the fact that she now stood here, apparently living in Liam's flat without Liam ever mentioning her was enough for Zayn's mind to shut down. He felt completely insignificant, small and useless as he pointed towards the kitchen, showing off what he' done.

"I hope you enjoy them," he muttered quietly, his head dipping as if in shame, completely ignoring the woman that stood so close to him and Liam. Truth was, he didn't want to be there anymore, didn't want to listen to what ever explanation he was sure Liam was about to come up with.

And so rather than wait for Liam's words, knowing that that was what he was supposed to do as a good boyfriend, Zayn slipped by Liam, shrugging out of the his grasp when Liam grabbed his elbow. Zayn walked away, tension building in his body as he hurried down the empty corridor, towards the staircase as he heard Liam calling his name, but he couldn't reply, couldn't turn around, so he ran.

Ran away from Liam, from the girl that stood next to him looking beautiful and yet haunting. He ran from everything, barely conscious of what he was doing. All he wanted was for the voices in his head to stop and for the pain in his chest to be drained away. So he kept running, until his lungs could no longer take it and he found himself alone in the middle of nowhere. Lost, but not simply physically, mostly emotionally.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be warned that in this chapter and possible chapters there might be mentions of events and things that are triggering to some people. (such as mentions of suicide/depression/self-harm)  
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be conscious of this as I personally have my own triggers and know how difficult it is to read things that affect me.

Zayn always did the same thing when he felt lost and out of control, seeking an outlet that he knew wasn't sane, that he knew he could no longer resolve to. Lost in the middle of London, completely disoriented, he had to struggle to regain his bearings, not to let himself be engulfed by his own mind as he stumbled down the sidewalk. Struggling through every step, Zayn finally sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, the street completely dead at this time of night making him feel out of place and unwanted.

He felt the familiar nagging sensation that he hated spread through him as he placed his head between his knees, desperately trying to focus on the reality. He remembered his therapist teaching him breathing techniques which he used now, counting the seconds of every inhale and doubling the exhaling time. But soon, he found himself unable to do so, his head becoming hazy as he forced his trembling fingers over his phone, composing a number without really noticing it, his voice cracking when someone finally answered.

It was a quick conversation, one he barely could think about and yet his body responded as though on autopilot. He managed to relay the address where he was, uncertain exactly where it was but knowing that he would be found sooner or later.

When the other person finally hung up, Zayn felt as though he could breath a little easier, raising his head to survey his surroundings, observing the street in the dead of the morning.

Asking for help was a huge step for Zayn, something he had wondered if he would be able to do for a long time.

He knew he had multiple options, that he could have called any of his friends and they would have shown up, but somehow there was only one person he wanted to see at the moment. So when his father's car pulled up on the side of the road an hour or so later, the morning birds starting to chirp at the early morning, Zayn couldn't help the relief that flooded him. He felt like a child in need of a cuddle as he stepped forth opening the door to the warm car, the familiar smell tugging a smile from his lips as he leaned into his father, a strong hand immediately coming to squeeze his shoulder in a comforting manner.

"Rough day, beta," his father sighed as he leaned forth, pressing a kiss to Zayn's forehead, forcing a quiet sob out of him.

"Just wanted to come home for a bit," Zayn tried to reply without his voice breaking, but he knew better than to try and hide from Yaser Malik. After all, there was a reason why his father had gotten up in the middle of the night, driven hours without any question to come and get him, offering his touch and understanding so easily. Everyone knew about Zayn's past, feared he would spiral down in such darkness again. The difference now was that Zayn had learned to ask for help, learned to stop hiding in the depth of his own mind. So seeing his father here now, holding on to him tightly, whispering the words of a long forgotten childhood lullaby reminded Zayn exactly why he could not plummet to darkness again.

Pulling away slightly, Zayn brushed away the tears from his face roughly with the back of his hand. "Thank you Baba," he replied with a broken smile, "Lets go home."

And without demanding more from his son, knowing perfectly well that at the moment an answer would not come, Zayn's father simply nodded and started the car once more, shifting into gear and back onto the road.

 

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As they were pulling up to his childhood home, Zayn sent a quick text to Harry, Louis and Niall telling them he had decided to go home for a few days, missing his sisters a bit too much. He figured it would appease them for now, refusing to deal with the chaos that was sure to come at the moment. He also knew that Liam would no doubt show up at his flat soon enough if he had not done so already, and that Louis would go in extreme panic mode if he didn't have any news from Zayn.

Zayn knew his own past was also something that haunted not only him but also his bestfriends, Louis in particular.

"Your mother's been cooking all morning," Yaser said as he got out of the car, waiting for Zayn to fall into step with him, throwing an easy arm over his shoulder as if to blanket him with love and affection, something Zayn didn't realize he had been craving until now. Shivering into the touch, he leaned his head onto his father's shoulder, feeling like a small child again, guilt bubbling in his stomach.

"I've missed you," he whispered just before they reached the doorstep, closing his eyes as he tried to silence the voices, the ache in his chest, the resonating torment in his mind.

"So have we, Beta,” his father replied, looking down at him, seeking eye contact when Zayn avoided it. It wasn't long however until gentle fingers lifted his chin up, and Zayn came face to face with his father's loving gaze. "I'm so proud of you Zayn." Yaser said softly. "You called, it's a big step."

Nodding, Zayn forced his eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall once more. He didn't want to remember the past, didn't want to fall into a similar pattern, he just wanted to eat his mother's food for a few days and forget. He knew however that his father needed just as much comforting as he did, as he could only imagine how he had felt when he had received Zayn's call in the middle of the night. A call very similar to the one Louis had placed a few years back.

"I'm ok Baba," he promised, shaking his head as though to whip the images of Sophia from his mind. He had sworn to himself that no matter what , nobody would ever drag him down again, that his mind would not win over his sanity.

Squaring his shoulders, a deep sigh tumbling from his mouth, Zayn turned towards the door, entering into his family home, knowing that he was probably not ready for all the love, kisses and hugs he was about to receive, but he figured that in the end it was a better coping mechanism than what the voice in his head kept whispering at him to do.

 

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After hours of listening to his sisters talk and eating everything his mother placed in front of him, Zayn was finally able to escape to his room, lying down on his old power rangers comforter with a sigh. He felt grateful for his family, not once being asked why he was there, because they all knew by now that he struggled with expressing how he felt, and even more so with asking for help and so they said nothing, just gravitated around him in a loving cocoon.

At this point though, the long night catching up with him, the scars on his body burning from memory, it was hard not to think about Liam, and the ache in his heart.

Deep down, Zayn knew there was most probably an explanation to why Sophia was in Liam's flat without his knowledge, but truth was Zayn had not been ready to hear it. Taking a step back from things, now settled in the silence of his room, Zayn could breath a little easier, could focus on reality and not the images his mind created for him to believe.

Liam was a loving, loyal person that would never break Zayn's trust in such a way, and yet Zayn had felt the need to run, probably more so from his own demons than from the actual situation. But now, he had to face the consequences of his reactions, he knew that he could no longer hide his own past from Liam after reacting so strongly to basically nothing.

Pulling his phone out from his pocket, Zayn closed his eyes as he called up Liam, waiting for the familiar voice on the other end of the line to soothe the piercing ache in his heart.

Before the second ring even ended, Liam was on the other end, mumbling rapidly consecutive apologies, his voice obviously panicked making Zayn's guilt double as he sighed, repeated Liam's name until the other man finally calmed.

"I can explain," Liam finally said clearly, and Zayn smiled to himself, rolling onto his side.

"I know you can," he reassured, his body going still for the first time in hours. "I just needed to get out, deal with my own shit. I'm sorry."

There was a silence on the other end of the line that made Zayn wonder if they had been disconnected before Liam scoffed lowly. "You're something else Z," Liam replied with an amused tone. "I expected you to yell at me, and with reason, for my ex being in my flat and here you are so comprehensive. How did I ever get so lucky?"

"Think you got your story wrong," Zayn countered, wishing Liam was here right now, holding him tightly, but knowing that he also needed the distance, needed to silence the voices in his mind before he could ever approach Liam again. "I'm the lucky one Liam. There's a lot you don't know about me, a lot of things I've hiden which isn't fair to you. Seeing Sophia there, it just brought back memories, things I never wanted to feel again."

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to," Liam interrupted, his voice soft and loving, making Zayn smile into his pillow.

"I know," he agreed, opening his eyes to stare at his room, the remains of his childhood, of the broken kid he used to be. "But I want to. You deserve to know. Well that is, if you actually want to know. "

"Course I do," Liam quickly added. "Just tell me where you are Z, I'll come get you."

Zayn hesitated. He wanted to tell Lim where he was, to go back to his flat and pretend none of this had happened but he also knew that doing so would not be helpful. He needed to deal with his issues first, needed to stop his mind from jumping to conclusions so quickly, needed to gain control once more before he could properly sit down with Liam and tell him everything that needed to be said. With his heart beating frantically, Zayn bit into his bottom lip before he answered, his tone shaky from emotion.

"Not right now," he managed to say before he had to take another deep breath. "I'm ok, I'm at my parents but I need a bit of space before I can hear you out, and before I can explain why I reacted like I did."

"Is that really what you need Z?" Liam asked with genuine concern, obviously wanting to help and Zayn wondered for a few minutes, thought maybe he would be better off with Liam and his friends, but in the ended he nodded, as he whispered a barely audible _yeah_ , to which Liam fell silent again.

"I'm not breaking up with you Liam," he added for good measures, needing Liam to know that the problem here was more about Zayn's own mind than Sophia's presence.

"Good," said Liam, a smirk in his voice that made Zayn's own lips quirk up. "because I'm not letting you go this easily."

"Good," Zayn echoed, closing his eyes once more, desperately wanting to believe Liam even though the voice in his head mocked him.

 

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It took Zayn three days to finally muster the courage to call Louis.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Malik," was the reply he got, eliciting from him the first honest burst of laughter in days.

"Miss you too, Louis," he groaned as he settled back into the couch, fingers twisting into the loose strings of his joggers.

"Yeah yeah," replied his friend, obviously relieved to hear his voice for the first time in days. They had texted a few times, Louis insisting to make sure Zayn was ok almost on an hourly basis but the conversation had always been very stoic and close to one sided."You scared me to fucking death Malik. The last time you disappeared- "

"I know," Zayn interrupted quickly with a sigh, feeling pathetic even though he knew Louis was not judging him, that he was only afraid for his friend. "I called my dad, I didn't do anything, you don't have to worry."

"I worry about your stupid ass all the time, It's my job as your best mate," Louis responded automatically, the usual sarcastic tone to his voice making Zayn roll his eyes.

"I thought that was Niall," he joked, needing to lighten the tone, even though Louis seemed to be in a much better mood than he expected.

"Nialler is too busy being all loved up with his mountain of a man," replied Louis as a knock on the front door echoed through the house, forcing Zayn up from his seat as he walked towards it. "So I’m all you got baby."

"I guess so," Zayn conceded with a laugh, opening the door, the force of Louis's body hitting his unexpectedly making his grip on the phone slip, crashing to the ground.

"You absolute twat," grumbled Louis in his shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around Zayn's small frame, keeping him so close it was painful, but Zayn knew better than to say anything, embracing his friend with surprise. He had not expected Louis to show up on his doorstep but at the same time it made sense, knowing Louis needed probably just as much reassurance as he did.

And so he hugged back, letting go only when Louis actually pulled away, only to smack him behind the head before kissing his forehead. After that, they stared at each other for a long time, tears pooling in both their eyes before they embraced again. This time Zayn couldn't hold back anymore, a painful sob being wrenched from him as he fell into his friend's arms, the familiar jumper soothing his ache, making him beyond happy that for once, he was not alone. For once, he had made the right choice, and chosen help and chaos over control.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please keep in mind that this chapter discusses things that could be triggering to a lot of people such as depression, self harm and suicide.

After four cups of tea and a redbull, Louis finally stopped complaining about how long the road had been, his head now pillowed on Zayn's lap as he texted Harry quietly. Ever since he had arrive he had been all but glued to Zayn's side, touching at all times even though Zayn kept reassuring him that he was doing fine.

But Zayn could see the insecurity in Louis's voice, the way his features shifted sadly whenever Zayn stayed silent a little too long or how Louis kept staring at him as though wondering if Zayn was really there.

In the end, it drove Zayn slightly insane but he wanted to reassure his friend just as much as he wanted Louis to reassure him, so he stayed silent, running his fingers through Louis's fringe as the other boy grunted.

"Are you sure you want to tell Liam all of it?" Louis finally asked as he flipped through the channels, settling on some dated chick flick that his sisters loved.

Up to now they had avoided talking about pretty much every thing, be it the past or the present, yet Zayn knew this conversation had to happen even though he was far from ready for it. Truth was, he had spent the last few days trying to figure out how to explain things to Liam, how to make sense of the mess in his mind but mostly how to change his habit, how to regain control without freaking out.

He had also spent a lot of time thinking about Sophia, making up horrible scenarios in his mind even though he knew none of them would be true because even though he had panicked and left Liam without a chance to explain, deep down Zayn knew perfectly well that Liam only loved him.

Then again, he wasn't exactly sure at what point he had so calmly accepted Liam's feelings for him or admitted his own, but somewhere through the thick fog, and self doubt, a wall of loving clarity had hit him, making it all the more important for Zayn to figure out how to explain his past to Liam.

"He deserves to know, Louis," Zayn finally replied, pulling a few strands of his friend's hair to keep his attention before stroking the brown hair back, reminiscing mirror-like nights that seemed to be from another lifetime. "I can't date someone that doesn't know me."

"This doesn't define you Zayn," Louis started to argue but Zayn stopped him, pressing his hand over Louis's mouth until the other man licked it.

"Gross," he groaned as he whipped his hand on his jeans, before going back to pet Louis's hair. "And I know it doesn't define me, but it's still part of me. I can't pretend it never happened. It's not right."

"Fine," Louis grumbled as he reached back to flick Zayn's ear, earning a glare that he matched half-heartedly. "Are your things all ready?"

Rather than answer, Zayn shrugged, uncertain whether he was in fact ready to go home but knew that the longer he waited, the worse he would make things. And truth be told, he missed his friends, wanted to eat Harry's food and have a staring contest with Niall. Mostly however, he wanted to spend a few hours wrapped in Liam's arms, hopefully in silence so he could collect his thoughts, catch his breath and think clearly.

He knew Louis was afraid that talking about the past might trigger him again, and Zayn was just as scared but he also knew that having Liam right next to him would soothe him and hopefully allow him to say the things he had been unable to for years.

In fact, he had barely said the word since the event other than in therapy, preferring to let the memory fade to the back of his mind in a place that it felt more like a movie than reality. It was a horrible coping mechanism really, but it was one that had permitted him to stay afloat for years when he felt like he had nothing to kept him alive. But now he felt different, stronger, not only in love with Liam but also in life, in himself and after all he had promised that nothing would drag him down again.

"Yeah, lets go home babe," Zayn said with an uneasy smile, texting Niall to make sure he would be around the flat later, needing all his friends around him. He knew it was probably unorthodox, telling Liam everything that had happened with all their friends around them, but Zayn knew if he did it by himself he would never manage to say it, would probably shut down all together and in the end, it would be completely useless.

 

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It was late afternoon by the time they made it back to London, their flat barely illuminated, nothing but candles covering the living room to welcome them home. There was the smell of chocolate chip cookies that enveloped them as they walked in, making Zayn sigh contently as he sagged into Louis's side, accepting the arm wrapped around his waist to keep him standing.

Almost immediately, Harry was wrapped around him, holding him just as tightly as Louis had that same morning, his broken sobs pressed into Zayn's neck, making him flinch.

"I'm fine love," he whispered, not exactly certain who he was trying to convince at that point although it was obvious that Harry needed comforting. When Niall appeared in the doorway, a gloomy pale look on his face, Zayn passed a crying Harry over to Louis to walk straight into Niall's arms, a sudden ache squeezing at his heart.

"You look like shit," Zayn breathed into Niall's shoulder, clinging to his friend desperately.

"That's your fault you absolute tosser," explained Niall, his own fingers digging into Zayn's back, holding on tightly to his red Henley. Zayn appreciated the honesty, always had when it came to Niall. He always knew exactly what he would get and it made him feel normal, less like the fragile kid that needed to be handled with white gloves that others often made him feel like.

When they separated, Zayn allowed his hand to trail down Niall's arm, lacing their fingers together, still seeking the connection even though he knew he was ok, that the voices had died out slowly.

"Where's Liam?" he asked after a few moments, obviously surprised that the other man wasn't here to welcome him back even though he knew what Harry would answer before he even said it. "He wanted to give me space, make sure I wanted him here didn't he?"

Harry nodded in reply, untangling himself from Louis to walk towards Zayn, taking hold of his free hand. "I'll call him if you want, he'll be over in a second."

"I think that would be good," Zayn agreed letting himself fall back into the couch, content when Niall sat next to him, still pressed into his side. Harry smiled at the gesture before heading towards his room, no doubt to get his phone. Louis on the other seemed quite hesitant, standing near the door with his hands in his pockets, a look of pure terror etched into his face.

"You don't have to do this Louis, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Zayn said quietly, knowing how much his best friend struggled with talking about what had happened.

"If you can do it, so can I," argued Louis as he tore off the beanie from his head, pulling at his own hair before sighing and at that point Zayn knew better than to disagree with Louis, so he stayed silent, pressing the cold tip of his nose into Niall's collarbone as he waited for Liam to arrive.

 

\----------------------

 

Seeing Liam felt a bit like a kick to the gut, making Zayn sink a little deeper into the couch as Niall squeezed his hand tighter.

"Hi," muttered Liam as he stood awkwardly by the door, Harry standing behind him as he pushed him towards the couch facing Zayn.

"Hi," Zayn echoed, his fingers itching to reach out, to touch Liam and make him smile again but he knew that the physical contact wouldn't help, in fact it would most probably make the rest of the conversation even more difficult.

"You look good," Liam added as he sat on the edge of his seat opposite of Zayn, Harry sitting right next to him and Zayn couldn't help but laugh, a genuine burst of laughter that surprised everyone.

"You need to have your eyes checked."

"Yeah mate," Niall added, giving Zayn a once over before looking back at Liam. "Zayny here looks like the walking dead, probably since he's been away from you for so long. Dude can't handle being away from you."

"Thanks Nialler," groaned Zayn as he punched his friend in the shoulder, rolling his eyes as he grinned at Liam, not feeling the need to deny Niall's words.

Zayn couldn't help but allow his eyes to linger on Liam's form, taking in the familiar features that made his heart skip a beat. He knew he probably looked like a loved out idiot, knew that he should probably concentrate on the issue at hand but for a minute he allowed himself the pleasure to admire Liam, feeling lucky to have him in his life.

"So why the fuck was this Sophia person in your flat?" Louis finally blurted out, earning himself a slap from Harry and a death stare from Zayn.

"Oh please," bemoaned Louis as he rubbed the back of his head. "I just asked the question everyone wants answers to. Lets just get all this shit over with yeah. Family meetings really aren't my thing."

"Its fine," Liam said as he looked back at Zayn, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs as if nervous. "It's really nothing. Sophia's ex started stalking her flat and she got worried. Her mother called me because she knew I was in London too, thought I could maybe freak the guy out but I was worried for her well being too so I told her she could just crash at my place since I was never there anyways. I didn't mention it because she asked me not to. She felt stupid for needing my help, was proper pissed at her mother for asking me to do this. She was embarrassed and she said when she met you she wanted it to be at a good time, not something like this, I swear, nothing ever happened."

"I know," Zayn grinned softly, completely accepting of the situation. It sounded exactly like something that golden-hearted Liam would do, making Zayn proud of the man he called his boyfriend, even though a part of him still felt uneasy. His trust issues were too deeply rooted to be changed so quickly, something he knew he would have to work on for years. Accepting Liam's explanation however was easy since he had spent the last three days repeating to himself that Liam was not the cheating type, that he was too good and too pure to do such a thing, and in his heart Zayn knew that Liam would never lie to him, even less so with all his friends sitting around him.

It then dawned on Zayn that it was his turn to explain his reaction, something that would no doubt be a lot less easy and quick. Sighing, Zayn forced his gaze in Louis's direction nodding slightly before pushing himself off the couch, needing the space as he paced the living room.

It took him a few minutes to get his thoughts into order, trying to formulate the words that would properly explain why he had reacted the way he had. He knew deep down that it was all a bit irrational, that nothing he did made sense to most people but he also knew that he couldn't help the way he felt. He had strained under the overwhelming need for control his entire life, a battle he had often lost and still felt as though he did not fully understand to this day even though he had to deal ith it daily.

"You know I've struggled with depression for a long time," Zayn finally started as he stared at the floor, unconsciously picking at the skin on his fingers. "It was a build up I guess, of years of bullying and being the target of racism and just being an introvert that had a really hard time adapting to his surroundings. I don't know. But for as long as I could remember, I always felt out of place, never had the best of self confidence either."

 

"Zayn," Liam cut in, but was quickly shushed by Louis who looked at him almost murderously.

 

"Let him finish," Louis said, voice ice cold, a tone Zayn never remembered hearing before but rather than argue with Louis, he kept going, knowing that if he stopped now, he might never start again.

 

"Like I was saying, I've always had self confidence issues I guess and after a while, I kind of spiralled down into a depressive episode. I barely talked or ate, didn't really leave the flat anymore and every time I did, I felt like I was drowning, completely out of control. I wanted nothing more than to gain control again, and I couldn't figure out how. One night, I don't know why but I punched a mirror, sliced my hand open and somehow..it made me feel better. And I knew it was stupid, knew it made no sense but it gave me what I craved, control. So I started hurting myself I guess, purposely, until one day cutting or burning didn't have the same effect anymore. It didn't give me the relief i needed to get through the day. I couldn't take it, couldn't ask for help because I was ashamed and disgusted with myself for what I was doing so I tried to..I tried to"

"He tried to kill himself," Louis finished after a minute of silence, his own voice resonating Zayn's own broken tone. "I found him unconscious in his room, I thought he was gone."

"But I wasn't," Zayn added, his voice barely above a whisper as he turned his back to his friends. Even after all this time he still struggled to talk about it, to face the people he love and try to explain why he had done what he had done. To this day he still was uncertain what had led him so far down the line, now happy that he hadn't succeeded even though he still struggled daily. "My reaction to seeing Sophia was stupid, I know that, but it felt like the past repeating itself, like the universe was mocking me, reminding me that I would never be good enough for anyone. I lost control and it scared me."

"So you ran," Liam added, "until your lungs burned and you felt numb."

Zayn frowned at the words as he turned around, looking directly at Liam who stood slowly as though not to stagger him. "How did you know?"

"That's what I do after a bad fire, when we lose a life or something goes wrong. I told you about it, how it helped me focus, helped me clear the haze in my mind until I felt normal, until I felt-"

"In control," finished Zayn, taking a step forth until he could rub his face in Liam's jumper, inhaling until his lungs hurt and his eyes prickled with tears. "I used your coping mechanism without realizing it."

"I guess you did," Liam conceded after a minute, his strong, warm palm coming to rest upon Zayn's back, thumbing soothing circles into his skin. "I wish I had been there, to help you."

"We didn't even know each other, Liam," Zayn sighed as he clung to the man before him, forgetting that his friends were still gathered around them. "There's nothing you could have done."

"Maybe not," agreed Liam. "But I would have tried anything to make your life better, to make you happy."

"It's a good thing I survived then," whimpered Zayn.

"It's a good thing you did," Liam echoed, brushing a kiss along Zayn's mouth as he pushed a piece of hair away from his face. "I guess it’s a good thing you lost your phone that night."

 

"I guess it is," Zayn agreed, marveling at the coincidence, his heart finally at peace even though it was beating out of control. Only then did he realize he didn't need the control after all. He only an alternative that life had offered him on a platter with a passcode so easy, that it was literally the same as his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on tumblr: http://romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com/


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